Poorly Wrapped Gifts from the Universe

 

Shortly after I became a Reiki master, I met someone who I was crazy about.  I remember our first date was getting lemonade and just talking, walking, and laughing in Battery Park until we got kicked out at 3 am.  That was a magical summer as he was the air to my fire.  When the fall arrived, he realized he wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship after having left one just before we met.  The disappointment came crashing down and paralyzed me in many ways.  While my intellect understood he wasn’t ready for me, my heart was tired of yet another disappointment. 

I remember my Reiki teacher telling me one day that I may need to begin “healing my relationship to disappointment.”  It took me a while to understand what she meant but eventually I realized it isn’t the disappointments themselves but the stories I make up around life’s disappointments.  Sometimes disappointment would activate my victim, “why me” emotional patterning while other times it gave my false ego a chance to chime in and tell me I’m not worthy.  Then there were the disappointments that fueled my false beliefs around how the world “really works” and forget what your higher self is saying. 

There are many stories we tell ourselves when experiencing disappointment whether the source is another person, a situation, or the world at large.

BUT. . .

Over time I’ve come to learn that those who handle disappointment without self-doubt and false stories see those moments as an invitation to let go and discover a new direction they hadn’t considered before.  I often hear people talk about how grateful they are for those pivotal moments when the universe set them on an even better path than they could have imagined.

For myself, I know that when I examine my own disappointments in the rearview mirror, I am deeply grateful.  To add humor to the process, I will call those disappointments “poorly wrapped” gifts from the universe. 

This year has been full of a lot of personal and collective disappointment.  Not being able to see loved ones, make the plans we’d hoped for, find the opportunities we were seeking, and watching the world become more divided instead of united.  It’s a lot and yet many people I know have shared with me the unexpected blessings and opportunities they’ve received this year.  Not even the chaos of 2020 could stop the flow of abundance they were destined to receive.

There is no switch come midnight that lights up a perfect new world experience nor is there a magic wand to make everything easier and better.  But just as the day gives way to the night, the night in return gives way to the day.  It’s during the transition that we have an opportunity to flip the stories we tell ourselves with an understanding that the past doesn’t have to dictate the future if we shift the mindset and energy we bring to the present.  It’s how we allow the flow of change to emerge in a way that is aligned with soul and not the entangled stories we unconsciously carry in the psyche.

When my heart broke over 15 years ago, I didn’t allow the grief to flow completely because of my own false stories.  In turn, some of that grief stuck with me for way too long.  Disappointment is a part of the equation in life, but it isn’t the destination.  It’s up to us to decide how our relationship to disappointment will work for us and not against us.  Will it just create more inner resistance to receiving future blessings and opportunities? Or will it become a wave that you ride back to the shore so you can see more clearly what’s next on the horizon? 

No matter where your disappointments landed in 2020, how will you capture the good parts about a situation not working out and take them with you into 2021?

How will you define those disappointments instead of letting them define you?

Going into 2021, I’m taking my time to marinate in the energies that will best nourish me in the coming months, prioritizing self-care over making too many commitments.  Winter is the season for the inner work that will best support aligned action throughout the year.  Nature doesn’t just flip a switch come springtime and bloom overnight.  There is a lot of underground work that goes on before the flowers can emerge.  When we do the inner work with patience, self-love, and appreciation, we build the foundation for what we desire to unfold with ease and in perfect timing. 

This is the time to DREAM, BREATHE, and ALLOW.

This is the time to DREAM without limiting what is possible.

This is the time to BREATHE and create space for those possibilities.

This is the time to ALLOW your desires to morph into something new. 

Looking to the Horizon

 

Last weekend I watched the film, The Glorias, based on Gloria Steinem’s autobiography, My Life on the Road.  While there is so much more to Steinem’s life as an activist, feminist, and journalist than the film could possibly include in 2-1/2 hours, I was moved by the way it captured her inner dialogue with four different versions of herself.  In between the film’s segments that danced back and forth between her past and present, black and white scenes would take place on a bus where she would have different conversations between her young child self, teenage self, younger adult self and her older self.  They would hold court on the twists and turns she would take and the decisions she made along the way to lead a life that challenged societal expectations of women. 

At one point in the film she interviews her teenage self as if she’s a host on a TV talk show.  Her inner teenager describes her dreams of going to Hollywood and then settling down to get married, have three children, either a boxer or a golden retriever, a house decked out with a dance floor among other things and a convertible.  Then she pauses, looks at Gloria and asks why she isn’t married . . .

This moment struck me, because how many of us could look back on our original childhood dreams that were seeded without realizing all the twists and turns that would unfold us in ways beyond what we could imagine.  My teenage self would have given me a puzzled look if she found out what I do today, but when I think about everything that interested me outside my initial childhood dreams, being drawn to the mystical aspects of life and having natural sensitivities that felt more like a weakness than a strength, it all makes sense.  In having these conversations with my inner child, I’ve come to understand that becoming who your soul came here to be sometimes means letting go of the original dreams and expectations you placed on a younger version of yourself.

Whenever I hear someone in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond say, “I’m still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up,” I sense a certain self-imposed expectation that they need to have their life figured out in a way that passes some kind of approval rating by society.  To that I say, “None of us have it figured it out.  That is why we are here to begin with.”  Each of us came into this life with a soul contract to learn something and engage with what we learn to contribute to the greater whole.  The circumstances in which we are born, the blessings and challenges we experience along the way and our own internal knowing help to reveal what that contract means to each of us.

This chaos cycle initiated by the events of 2020 is in many ways an invitation for the dreams and expectations of the collective to be released to allow for the next stage of humanity’s evolution.  These last weeks of the year hold some beautiful opportunities for each of us to begin our own inner work to contribute to the collective shifts that will be unfolding in the years ahead.

A new moon solar eclipse on December 14^th is inviting each of us to recognize and begin shedding the expectations and beliefs we’ve placed on ourselves that keep us small and in turn reignite our passions in a whole new way.  Then on December 21^st for the Winter Solstice, Saturn and Jupiter come so close to each other that they will appear as one giant star in the sky just a few days after each of them enters Aquarius.  Jupiter carries the archetypal energies of expansion and optimism while Saturn presents us with an energy that keeps us grounded and practical.  Every twenty years these two planets come together in this manner to usher in a new generation, so to speak, but this time around they are also ushering in a whole new era.  This 20-year meeting of the planets has been taking place in the earth signs for the past 200 years and now they will be meeting in the air signs for generations to come, building on an energy of equality and collective unity. 

Two of the most magical moments in a day are at sunrise and sunset - when the night surrenders to the day and the day surrenders to the night in return.  As we look to the horizon of this next 20-year cycle, these last weeks of 2020 are an invitation to begin healing from the deferred dreams, disappointments and losses, and look with courage to the mystery of what comes next, having faith in yourself that everything you need is already within you and the road ahead will be revealed in right timing. 

Gazing on the World with Love

Every year during the first two weeks of November, I try my best to work my schedule around the weather forecast to make sure I find time to spend in nature on the days the sun is shining.  There is this magical window between 3 and 4:30 pm when everything turns gold. This year while I was bicycling through Central Park at that hour and basking in this gorgeous light, it felt like the universe was casting a loving gaze on me and the rest of the world.  Out of the blue, the Jackie Wilson song, “Higher and Higher” popped into my head.  Usually when this happens, I receive it as a message from spirit.  As I reflected on the lyrics, “Your love keeps lifting me higher than I’ve ever been lifted before,” it was a reminder that when we tap into the eternal love that shines within us, everything flows with ease and our spirits can be lifted in an instant.

Later that week, as I was running some errands, I found myself smiling at everyone I saw on the street as I passed by.  I realized though, that no one could see my smile underneath my mask!  I wondered how many people would “feel” the energy of my smile instead.  In the practice of Reiki, we don’t just transmit the flow of energy through our hands, but also through our eyes.  I decided in that moment to continue smiling at everyone I passed, and to also consciously transmit this universal love energy through my eyes.  It didn’t matter to me if we made eye contact, or they even knew I was smiling at them.  I was simply committing to gaze on the world with love, just like the sun, without needing anything in return.

On Halloween this year, I created an altar to my ancestors and placed pictures of my grandparents and other loved ones who are now on the other side.  When I took a picture of the altar, an orb of light appeared right over a photo of my Papa Bromage reading to me as a baby.  This tiny round light centered itself right over my heart.  It reminded me of E.T’s heartlight. 

Remembering our true light and the essence of love that exists within us is probably the greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world this holiday season.  It’s what makes life a mystical, magical journey, especially in times when we might not know what’s next.  It’s a reminder that when we believe in a loving universe, it responds with love in return. 

How a Shaving Cut Changed Everything

When my maternal grandmother was six years old, she came home from school to discover her father had died.  Great Grandpa Taton was a Welsh immigrant working hard to build a life for his family in New York City, but he had succumbed to an infected shaving cut that spread to other parts of his body.  Nowadays we take minor cuts like this for granted, but it would be another 20 years before penicillin was made available.  Having to grow up fast, my grandmother would end up dropping out of high school to find work and help support her family. 

When I was younger, I never understood why she would lecture me about not picking at the scabs on my knees or examine my face for anything unusual.  Health was a big concern for her because she knew firsthand the devastating cost of not having good health.

However, my grandmother also carried with her another emotional entanglement when it came to her health.  Because of the hardships her family endured, there wasn’t a lot of room for love and affection to be expressed, but when someone got sick, they were nurtured and cared for as an act of love.  In many ways, being sick became an unconscious form of emotional manipulation to receive the love you otherwise wouldn’t get.

I look back on all of this and realize how these unconscious belief systems and emotional patterns affected my relationship to my own health.  Whenever I got sick, I felt conflicted.  Getting sick meant plans getting upended and a fuss being raised.  I hated being sick because it meant not only slowing myself down but slowing down everyone around me. 

In eighth grade I had an upper respiratory infection for two weeks.  My teacher, Sr. Martha, humiliated me in front of the class when I returned to school and treated me like I was lazy.  After that, I adopted an unconscious pattern of powering through when I wasn’t feeling well to compensate for any sense of weakness.

Fast forward to November of last year when I met my functional medicine doctor for the first time.  After spending over an hour with me discussing my entire life’s history, she ordered a series of specific blood tests.  One revealed that I have celiac disease which has required me to develop a new relationship to my health, including being hyper aware of the food I eat and every symptom I experience.  I’m still learning to understand when a symptom is nothing and when it’s revealing something important.

Adjusting to this whole new level of self-care has also motivated me to face my shadow beliefs when it comes to my health.  It’s been uncomfortable having to advocate for myself when I’ve always taken pride in being an easygoing and not so “fussy” person.  Now I’m learning to be okay with speaking up and raising a fuss because my body is depending on me.

This experience has also inspired me to reflect on my ancestors’ relationship to health since celiac disease is genetic.  It’s clear that my uncle who was also my godfather had celiac disease from birth and was never diagnosed.  He was born with eczema all over his body, which can be a symptom of the disease, and was in a great deal of pain most of his life.  He was also a highly sensitive person but tried hide it with his tough exterior.  Celiac was yet to have an official place in the medical books when he was born and I can’t help but wonder if it had, how his life would have been different.  I sometimes wonder how many generations back this disease can be traced and how my ancestors dealt with their symptoms.  Were they labeled as weak or overly sensitive?

Over the years I’ve had seemingly unrelated and minor health issues.  I know now my body was trying to tell me something; but between medical doctors treating them as “minor” and my pattern of powering through discomfort, the truth would remain obscure.  The chronic psoriasis on my foot was treated with a steroid cream until I discovered natural tamanu butter.  One time I asked about having low blood sugar and a doctor told me to just eat an apple.  When I mentioned migraines to another doctor, they tried to sell me Botox injections.  Then there was the chronic anemia that was chalked up to me “being a menstruating woman.”  Had I not been in my shadow pattern and instead listened to what my body was telling me, perhaps I would have challenged my doctors more.

Nature is always reaching for a state of balance and it is a natural impulse for humans to do the same.  When one generation experiences an entanglement, the next generation responds, consciously or unconsciously, to create balance.  Sometimes this will heal a pattern and other times it creates more emotional entanglements that are passed on to the next generation.

My grandmother would tell me many times that having your health is everything.  When I think of my ancestors and the emotional patterns and belief systems they adopted to find balance in their struggles, I can appreciate my journey to health and happiness on a whole new level.  I can almost hear them celebrating on the other side because I am unraveling the entanglements they couldn’t. 

With 2020’s ongoing chaos cycle, this fall’s shadow season provides a richness to any inner soul work we decide to explore within our own shadows.  Health and security are two major themes at play this year along with grief and loss.  As big shifts in the balance of power within the collective are added to the mix, we have an opportunity for lasting change and growth.

How can we listen to what our bodies are telling us and what our souls are teaching us at this time? 

Now is the time to receive these answers from within and for each of us to take ownership of our ultimate truths. 

It’s not what you receive, but how you receive it!

My parents instilled a strong work ethic in me from when I was young.  Whenever I asked for something significant, I was required work off at least half of it, my ten-speed bicycle being one of the most memorable.  Looking back, I understand they didn’t want me taking anything in life for granted.  While helping my dad in the yard one day, a neighbor pulled up and asked him how he gets me to work so hard when they couldn’t even get their kids to make the bed. 

As a young adult, people marveled at my work ethic and determination.  I’ve never been afraid of working hard and I’ve come to accept this pattern as a travel companion in this lifetime.

However, the message that got lost along the way is that working hard also requires being equally receptive to the blessings of life.  What I didn’t take with me into my adult life was owning my worthiness to receive love, receive support, receive value in return for everything I put out into the world.

During an advanced class with my Reiki teacher one day, a fellow student who was practicing on me asked a question.  I sat up to listen to Margaret Ann’s response and she turned around, shoved me back down on the table and said, “You need to learn how to receive!”  Lying there stunned, I didn’t know what to say. . .

I’ve recalled this memory frequently over the years because of the many lessons I’ve learned on what it means to receive.  Images of being passive with open arms and hands would come to mind when I thought of receiving back then. 

On the contrary, receiving is full of dynamic action if you are in the flow of welcoming in your deepest desires!

In recent weeks I’ve been meditating with the goddess Shakti and her wisdom on the topic of femininity and receptivity.  As a divine guide of the unfolding power within our worldly experiences, she knows how to receive what she desires as she dances and flows through the realm of the lower chakras which represent the elements of earth, water and fire until she communes with Shiva in the heart chakra, the chakra center of balance.  As Shakti merges with Shiva who is shining down from the heavens, revealing the divine within all the material realm, she receives this heavenly love by conceiving and giving birth to new creation.

How we receive determines how we evolve, expand, grow, and create. 

I’ve learned for myself that how I receive is probably the biggest factor when it comes to the law of attraction.  Magnetizing the opportunities and experiences you most desire, means being crystal clear on how you want to receive them. 

For some, it may mean a sudden pick-up-and-go-now pivot while others may wish for ease and flow as change for the better unfolds in their lives.  Passion, pleasure, and inspiration may be at play with how you receive while others may wish to experience harmony, balance, and inner calm.  

The universe is ready to serve whatever meal you want.  It’s up to you to decide if you want a leisurely feast or a quick but nourishing meal on the go. 

While vacationing in Yosemite Park a few years ago, I got on a bike for the first time in well over a decade and was reminded of the joy and pleasure bicycling gave me all those years ago as a child.  This time around, I fully received that joy without any pressures to earn it.  As my stepsister and I biked through the forest one afternoon, we communed with a family of deer among other wildlife and explored hidden treasures within the landscape. 

This year, the autumn equinox, the time of receiving abundance, lands on September 22^nd, making it an 8 day in numerology.  Eight represents the infinity symbol and the balanced flow of giving and receiving through which the power of transformation unfolds. 

There is the phrase, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” 

For me, the flipside of that phrase is, “It’s not what you receive, but how you receive it.”

This fall season I am intentionally receiving with gratitude and appreciation, ease and grace, and the joy and pleasure that will inspire creative flow in all areas of life. 

How will you choose to receive with intention during this time of harvest and abundance?

Share in the comments.

If you had one superpower what would it be?

A few weeks ago, I was cleaning out some papers and came across notes from a one-day workshop I attended almost 4 years ago.  

On one of the pages there was a question: If you had one superpower, what would it be? 

I scribbled: To Open Hearts!

I smiled at myself and reflected on what those words mean to me now.  A huge part of my Reiki journey has been about opening my heart to self-love and in turn being a source of compassion and healing for others.  Beyond that, though, I knew there is a reason this question was being revisited at this time.

After that workshop, I attended a weekend retreat with the same facilitator where she asked us to write a letter from our future selves.  As I began to write, I felt a presence from across the room and a wave of energy crack my heart open to release a flood of emotions.  As I looked up, I saw a bright emerald green light emanating from my future self’s heart chakra.  In looking back, I realize this was a form of self-healing transcending time. 

About a year and a half later, while teaching my Journeying Between Worlds class, I partnered with a student to go on a shamanic journey.  When she journeyed to return with an answer to my question, she described being led into my heart chakra and that it was emerald green, just like the Land of Oz! I never told her about my previous healing experience.

I immediately knew my higher self was reminding me of that moment as an acknowledgment of how far I had come in my growth. 

When you are open in the heart chakra, time stands still, allowing you to be in a space of love and acceptance for yourself and others.  

There is no anger or grief over the past or fear over the future.  There is just meeting the moment unconditionally and in a state of trust that everything you need is already within you. 

This year has been incredibly challenging, scary, overwhelming, and full of grief over the loss of loved ones.  It can be hard to remain open-hearted when your whole being is aching from the emotional impact and yet, being open-hearted and unconditional with yourself is how the path to healing begins.

When the heart is ready to open and begin the healing process, the fear, anger, and grief that arise are meant to be honored, not shaken off, “gotten rid of” or pushed away.  Grief means that you deeply loved another and its energy is there to help you remember that love.  Anger, fear, and anxiety are trying to keep you safe, so speaking to these emotions with love will help you remember that you are in charge and can override those emotional patterns at any given moment to restore a sense of wholeness. 

To me the heart chakra is like the center of the infinity symbol.  What rises and settles must come through the heart and if the heart is open and accepting of what is, the energy of life flows with ease and synchronizes with the world around you.

There is so much uncertainty for the world as a whole and very few are getting out of 2020 unaffected.  Yet I hear so many people share how grateful they are for what they do have. 

If you had one superpower to help you and others heal at this time, what would it be? 

The Leo new moon this week is a celestial invitation to give birth to that power and embody the energies that can best serve you and others to meet their challenges.  Leo’s archetypal patterning supports you in expressing your power in creative, playful, and passionate ways.  This is a time for the flow of the energies and emotions you’re experiencing to inspire you to explore and discover a higher perspective and wisdom ready to be expressed.

My Reiki teacher used to always remind me that everything I need is already within me to claim my power and innate ability to heal.  What does the power you currently need look and feel like to you?

What is the Past Asking of the Present?

After the full moon last weekend, I decided it was time to do some energetic releasing and begin exploring how to best direct my energy in the coming months.  While spring cleaning a few weeks ago, I opened a small box in my meditation corner that contained these little acorns gifted to me almost 15 years ago by three children at the laundromat.  I wrote my first blog about this experience which can be read here: Little Acorns. 

I kept these acorns as a reminder of how growing into your full potential requires a breaking open and shedding of different layers of your identity.  When I found these acorns while cleaning, I reflected on where I was 15 years ago and how these children who are now young adults must be experiencing the world. 

On Saturday I decided to release the acorns in the park where they originated as a signal to the universe that I am ready for the much-needed inner work at this time.  As soon as I walked away, a squirrel came over and started stuffing them in his mouth.  I now call him my shaman squirrel as he generously volunteered to ensure these acorns would be “transformed and released” so I can be free to dream a new world into reality for myself and the collective. 

What we are experiencing in the present – the uprising that’s crying out for change, the pandemic that has sent us into isolation for 3 months or more, the uncertainty for the future – is an accumulation of our past that reaches far back to long before we were even born. 

Chaos cycles like the one 2020 has presented, are opportunities to reclaim lost power as we make whole with the past. 

The present is always a result of the past and how we deal with the past in the present is how we shape our future. 

The question to ask is what aspects of the past are saying “Enough already!” and screaming out for change? 

What old patterning is ready to shift and take on new energy, passion, creativity, and momentum?  And in what areas of your life?

The weekend of June 20^th and 21^st will be one of the energetic highlights of 2020 with the Summer Solstice and New Moon Solar Eclipse in Cancer meeting each other.  The peak energy of the sun will be present to charge the seeds of intention planted with the New Moon.  However, the energetic potential held within these intentions is meant to carry us through to the end of the year and into 2021.  We’re in it for the long haul but just imagine the power that can be reclaimed during these next six months!

The energy of the sun reflects the fire in one’s spirit, inspiring action and providing the passion, courage and motivation needed to transform old patterns that are no longer useful.  The energy of the moon reflects the expression of one’s soul, providing wisdom, fluidity, and receptivity to change and transformation. 

On the Summer Solstice 15 years ago, I received my Reiki master attunement with four other beautiful and amazing women.  At that moment, our lives changed forever as we claimed our power to help ourselves and the world experience wholeness.  As I initiate my own Reiki master students on the Summer Solstice this year, the power rooted in the journey they’ve taken to get here is ready to be claimed and at a time when this healing work is needed more than ever.

Wherever you find yourself the weekend of June 20^th and 21^st, take a moment and reflect on the power you are ready to claim and how you want to nurture it in the coming months.  With chaos, comes clarity and with clarity comes inspired action.  Just ask the sun and the moon as they meet at this powerful time of the year. 

Can you just listen?

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor

Tuesday morning I woke to find the #BlackoutTuesday movement going viral on social media.  Before posting the blacked-out image on my Instagram account to show solidarity, I read a little on the origin of the movement by the music industry.  As with other moments like this on social media, I knew it would have many layers of meaning for everyone who participated.

As a white woman, posting the black box wasn’t just about showing solidarity for the black community and speaking up against social injustice, it was about committing to be a better listener to the voices of those in pain.  To take a day or even a few days to not post about myself or my own thoughts or ideas, but to just read posts from those who are angry and grieving as well as those offering ideas on how everyone can work to create sustainable change.

When I learned of the killing of George Floyd, the heaviness came crashing down just at it had with Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery in recent weeks and all the other lives taken while worshiping, going to school or just simply living, year after year after year. 

Then there is the question of what can I say or do that will make a difference?

Reiki, along with many other spiritual practices, can bring you to such states of expanded awareness, bliss and connection to that unified field of love that when you return to the heavy realities of the world, the contrast can make times like this feel that much heavier.  Because of this, I will often hear people in the spiritual community say that they don’t like to discuss politics or even watch the news because it’s so overwhelming for someone who is highly sensitive or empathic.

At the same time though, the foundational Buddhist principles in the practice of Reiki and Mikao Usui’s teachings are rooted in the idea that we awaken to enlightenment in order to become a healing presence for others, to operate as a human bodhisattva if you will.  Bodhisattva’s don’t go where there is light.  Instead, they bring light to the darkness and pull out of the shadows the power needed to heal the pain and suffering of all sentient beings. 

As I walked and meditated on the death of George Floyd, I kept hearing a voice say in my mind over and over “Can you just listen?”  As this question became my mantra, I realized that it was silencing my inner empath which can take me down if it’s allowed to be in the driver’s seat.  Empaths are energetic sponges, but when that empathy is kept in check, it can become a great resource of compassion without overwhelming the nervous system.

I’ve learned that when empathy runs amuck, it’s not only overwhelming, but it does a disservice to those we want to help.  Taking on the energetic pain that another person is experiencing in many ways diminishes the personal power that is restored in the healing process.  My Reiki teacher emphasized from day one that it isn’t up to us as Reiki healers to “do” the healing for another person.  It is up to us to be present and bear witness to the healing.

For those who are at a loss for words or action but want to be a conduit for healing when it comes to social injustice, racism, antisemitism, misogyny and any other kind of hate, the first step is to ask yourself, “Can I just listen?” 

Just listen.

After my meditative walk, I wrote the following words in my journal asking myself:

Can you just listen not to evaluate but to cultivate a presence of understanding? 

Can you just listen to the pain and suffering of another through the expansive lens of love without shrinking it to fit inside the frame of your own suffering?

Can you just listen to the grievance of another through the open lens of understanding even when it’s a grievance you can’t relate to?

Can you just listen to one’s expression of anger with the understanding that it is a sign of an unmet need?

Can you just listen to an opposing opinion through the open lens of curiosity and not let it threaten your own truths?

Can you just listen to another’s suffering with the understanding that to be human is to suffer but each of us suffers in our own way?

Can you just listen to bear witness to the untangling of the yarn of suffering in another, honoring each tired and frayed thread as it eventually weaves itself back to wholeness once again?

When you listen to another with a beginner’s mind and unconditional presence, the power to heal is unleashed and takes on a life of its own.

Half of the battle is showing up to listen and then the other half is letting understanding lead to even deeper understanding which will eventually inspire the right words and the right action.

If you find yourself at a loss for words and action during this dark time, begin with listening.

If you find yourself overcome with grief, fear, anger, and confusion, I am here to listen. 

Just comment here and we can connect.

What a dragon, beehive and cowardly lion are teaching me about vulnerability

The first weekend that we were under quarantine, this year’s Reiki master students met on Zoom for part of the Journeying Between Worlds Class. We did a Shamanic journey to receive an answer to the question of how humanity will evolve coming out of this pandemic.

As the journey began, I found myself in complete darkness when suddenly I was being handed a lantern, but I couldn’t see who was giving it to me. Then I realized it wasn’t a lantern, but a beehive whose aura was so golden that it looked like a lantern. I then felt someone grab me to take me on the journey. As we traveled upward, I discovered my spirit guide for this journey was a dragon and as we floated up above the clouds to the outer edges of the earth’s magnetic field, the dragon explained to me that she was here to teach me about courage in the face of fear and vulnerability.

As the journey progressed, the bees emerged from the hive and began to drop pollen all over the earth. The dragon explained that they are pollinating the new growth that will emerge as the world begins to heal. As we began to float back down through the clouds and the falling pollen, I discovered the entire world’s population forming a circle around the planet and in the middle was a giant dandelion weed. The dragon reached down and said we are uprooting fear from the human consciousness and began to pull the weed out of the earth. As this happened, I felt a pulling at the top of my head and a rush of energy down my spine.

Returning from this journey, I knew that no matter the challenges that lie ahead, I would be okay. Everything I need to navigate the uncertainty is already within me.

A couple weeks later, we had the beautiful April full moon, often called the Pink Moon. I drew a card from the Inner Child Deck by Isha Lerner and got the Cowardly Lion. I immediately knew the lion was there to not only enforce the message the dragon had shared but to activate my courage to face my own personal vulnerabilities while extending compassion to others and the difficulties they face.

There have been just a few events within our lifetime that unite the world in vulnerability unlike any other times in history. This COVID-19 pandemic is one such time. This reminds us that in the end, no matter our role in society, we as human beings are united by the same experiences of both love and fear, joy and suffering, vulnerability and compassion. It is gifting us the opportunity to come together for the greater whole and examine the structures within our global civilization that need to shift so those who are most vulnerable won’t be left behind.

Vulnerability is a gift when we open our hearts to it instead of resisting it. It allows us to recognize our own personal humanity and the humanity of others without shame or blame. There is often an impulse to want to build a shell or wall around our vulnerability to protect us, but when we can breathe into the fear and allow these soft edges of our humanity to remain exposed we leave an opening for the light of love to shine through not just for us but for others as well. When people can see our vulnerability something inside them activates their own sense of love and compassion. Little by little this compassion becomes contagious until we realize we’re all in it together.

When we reach the other side of this pandemic, my personal hope is that our shared vulnerability from this virus will influence how we rebuild the foundation of our civilization.

When it comes to self-care, developing a healthy relationship to your own vulnerability can deepen your connection to self-love as well as a heightened state of awareness and compassion for the vulnerabilities of others.

In what ways have you had to face your own vulnerabilities during the pandemic? How has it deepened your sense of compassion for yourself and others?

For me, it’s been an invitation to own my personal power in a whole new way and have faith in myself and the universe that this chaos cycle is happening for my highest good and the highest good of humanity. It’s an opportunity to use my Reiki practice to stay energetically steady and support others in doing the same.

When the Body Catches Up with the Spirit

Have you ever been told you are too sensitive?  Throughout my childhood and well into adulthood I have been told I am too sensitive and 2020 is teaching me how to own it in a whole new way. 

Being told I was too sensitive didn’t make me less sensitive, it just created a patterned response of silencing the messages my emotions and body were giving me.  Between adults telling me to shake things off and my dance training encouraging me to push through the physical pain to build strength and flexibility, I compensated for my discomfort by working harder. 

On January 16^th of this year, I was officially diagnosed with celiac disease.  Because of my age, this “later-in-life” diagnosis means that it is progressed and the lining in my small intestine will take a couple of years to heal.  For those who don’t know about celiac disease, it’s a condition where the body reacts to gluten by breaking down the lining of the small intestine.  Untreated, it can lead to other autoimmune disorders.  When I was a child, I suffered from migraines and swollen adenoids which can be symptoms of celiac disease.  I also struggled to concentrate and focus and so worked twice as hard to get good grades.  I remember spacing out during reading class in third grade and my teacher humiliating me for it in front of all the other students. 

Looking back now, the signs were always bubbling under the surface, but celiac disease wasn’t well known at the time.  I had a male doctor once tell me my chronic anemia was because I am a menstruating woman.  The psoriasis on my foot was treated with steroid creams without any other exploration into why this was appearing out of nowhere in my late twenties.  Then there was the episode of “food poisoning” that landed me in the hospital. 

In recent years other chronic issues have crept up and I decided to see a functional medicine doctor who would connect the dots and not just treat symptoms.  After taking the time to ask questions about my entire life’s history, she ordered the bloodwork that revealed the genetic marker and antibodies for celiac disease.  All it took was her listening and exploring the bigger picture.

The GI doctor who performed the diagnostic endoscopy said to me that at least I got to enjoy gluten for an extra ten to twenty years.  I was stunned by her words because I never enjoyed gluten foods like bread, bagels and pasta.  In fact, I rarely ate them because I usually felt terrible after.  Instead, I was grieving the fact that I had gone through most of my life pushing past my symptoms not realizing they were pointing to something wrong with my health.

In energy medicine the small intestine is connected to the Sacral Chakra which engages your capacity to be nourished not just by food but by your life experiences.  Learning Reiki led me down a path of emotional and spiritual healing that has restored my relationship to what makes me a highly sensitive person and accept it as a strength instead of a perceived weakness.  This work has helped me to forgive the past and forge new patterns to support myself and other empaths so we can continue to feel nourished in life instead of depleted.

This return to energetic wholeness has come full circle and now my physical body is being given a chance to catch up to my spirit.  My health requires me to take ownership of my physical sensitivities just as much as my spirit invited me to take ownership of my emotional sensitivities.  In many ways, this new limitation is setting me free to advocate for myself like I never could in the past. 

As unity and cooperation in slowing down the spread of COVID-19 are being embraced around the world, it occurs to me that we are all catching up to the collective soul of humanity.  There is a deep longing in people to feel part of an interconnected whole.  Many of the conflicts around the world are ultimately rooted in a fear of being rejected, left out, left behind or falling behind whether it be in finances, health, safety or general happiness and fulfillment.  This virus is teaching us that when we cooperate for the greater whole, we discover a new level of appreciation and respect for one another.  In limiting our personal freedoms in the short term, we are helping to set the world free of this virus and perhaps establish a foundation for a better tomorrow where no one is left behind by society. 

Every night at 7 pm, I hear the ever-growing roar of people cheering and clapping for all the essential workers risking their wellbeing to serve people’s basic needs and safety.  On my block we now have the dogs barking alongside and a tuba player! 

Being forced to isolate is an opportunity to reflect on what matters most.  When we emerge, will it be with a sense of unity and appreciation for our fellow human beings and the earth?  We will be forever changed by this virus and the gift in that is the opportunity to lay the foundation for what we want this changed tomorrow to look like. 

Creating Heaven on Earth

A long-time client of mine recently sent me a photo showing how she repurposed the glass jar from a candle she purchased last year and is now using it as a planter.  I was delighted by this not only for practical reasons but because it was the purple tinted jar from the 7^th Chakra candle.  The 7^th Chakra resides at the top of the head and is the gateway to the spirit realm and our relationship to the all-encompassing energy of the universe. 

I love how the roots of my customer’s plant can be seen through the glass.  In recent weeks I’ve been inspired to place crystals relating to the 7^th Chakra (i.e., amethyst and selenite) below my clients’ feet to create a pathway for a higher vibration to be anchored or “rooted” into the physical body. 

Three-dimensional existence makes it is easy to forget everything that happens underneath the surface of life to enable the creation process to even begin.  A seed of a dream needs courage to break open and reach into unknown territory.  In the beginning, there is uncertainty and vulnerability before a dream or vision can establish roots.  Along the way there can be tears of both frustration and joy, obstacles to overcome and victories to be celebrated, setbacks that test one’s resolve and momentum to be gained.  My customer’s picture of the roots being revealed was a beautiful reminder of how much unseen activity takes place before a dream or vision can emerge. 

Every sentient being is an interactive channel of life-force energy and thus a co-creator with the universe.  If you have a dream or vision, how you channel the energy flowing through you will determine your satisfaction with the co-creation process no matter the outcome.  Desire, passion, faith in yourself and the universe and curiosity all help with staying the course when meeting challenges along the way. 

Having a dream that excites you is a calling from spirit or your higher self, asking you to create a little more heaven on earth.  Sometimes dreams can manifest in a flash, just as some plants spring up seemingly overnight under the right circumstances.  Other dreams require more time (and patience) in the unseen darkness of the soil before the roots are strong enough to anchor the vision into reality.  Having a support system is important because those callings often mean overcoming both inner and outer obstacles and resistance.  When the negative self-talk and frustration arise, taking ownership of your worthiness enables you to get curious about those challenges instead of letting them take you down.  When a plant encounters a rock in its trajectory of growth, it doesn’t give up and revert into a seed.  Instead it redirects its growth.  If its environmental conditions are challenging, the plant concentrates its resources which often results in deeper color, fragrance or flavor.  The same holds true when it comes to nurturing a dream.  Obstacles aren’t there to stop you, but to help you heal and experience the fullness of your gifts along the way. 

More than ever people worldwide are waking up to the need for restoring harmony to mother earth.  Inventors and scientists are developing new technologies to rebalance nature’s ecosystems.  Whether by choice or necessity, individuals are striking out on their own, taking paths less travelled to become solopreneurs and discovering the gifts they can share to make the world a better place.  There are examples of new leadership that inspire communities to support each other. 

There are many unknowns when the seeds of dreams are planted, yet with each seed there is also a window of opportunity for heaven to anchor its light on earth and promote an ever evolving individual and collective consciousness.  

In what ways do your dreams create a little more heaven on earth?

What’s in Your Love Corner?

When my cat Gracie moved in over 8 years ago, I was struck by how she immediately made herself at home, acting as if she’d lived in the apartment her whole life.  Despite having spent her first 18 months on the streets and in 2 different homes, she just trusted she would be okay wherever she was.  Because cats are also sensitive to energy, I took this to mean that my apartment, as humble as it is, had good vibes.

Gracie’s open-hearted nature is quite unusual for cats coming from circumstances like hers.  Whenever I hold her, I can feel her heart light up just like ET’s heart-light.  One thing I noticed though was that Gracie, with all her affection, was not a lap cat.  She would hang out next to you but never wanted to be on your lap.  That is, until I made some changes in my living room. 

A few years back it was time to do some deep clearing in my home and I got rid of some old furniture.  One piece was an old trunk that originally served as my childhood toy box.  When I moved to NYC, I painted it and put cushions on it to leverage as both storage and seating.  I knew it was time to let it go and replaced it with a comfy chair.

When I purchased the chair, I envisioned it to be a place to relax, read and watch TV.  However, I got more than I bargained for because it also became the chair that transformed Gracie into a lap cat.  As soon as you sit in that chair, Gracie takes a flying leap into your lap, makes herself at home and will sit there for hours if you let her.  She purrs, naps and encourages you to pet her. 

One day I remembered that, according to feng shui, the chair is also in the love corner* of my living room and can’t help but wonder if Gracie is somehow aware of it too.  Whenever I need a little love and affection, I know now to take a time out in the love corner and Gracie will remind me of the infinite love that is always available in any given moment. 

After my grandmother passed on Valentine’s Day 11 years ago, my heart chakra split open as my mother, brother and I cleared out her apartment.  During those 2 days, whenever I was in the apartment, waves of energy poured through my heart and it was because of all the love infused between those four walls.  She lived in a subsidized apartment building without anything fancy in her home, but all the memories of the love she shared had transformed it into a sanctuary for us. 

Whether you’ve lived in your home for decades or just a day, whether it’s luxurious or a humble NYC walk-up, take a look around and make note of what you appreciate most about it and what “sparks joy” to quote Marie Kondo.  How can you highlight the aspects of your life that mean the most to you in your home?  

What can you place in your love corner that reminds you of the love that’s always available to you and that you share with others in return?

For me, each time Gracie hangs with me in our special chair, I can feel both our heart chakras open and remember that love is infinite and always present no matter what else is happening.  

 

*NOTE:  The love corner is the far-right corner of your home when you enter the front door or the far-right corner from the entrance to a room.  

Learning to Bless the Mess

From my earliest recollections of childhood, my mother would invite me to join her in the kitchen when she cooked.  I have a distinct memory of the first batch of brownies she made with me and her guiding my hand as we leveled the cup of flour together with a spatula.  The kitchen was probably the happiest room in our home.  It was a place where we could create something together and enjoy the results.

As a teenager, I would sometimes cook a meal on my own and to both my parents’ chagrin, I would make a huge mess instead of cleaning up as I went.  I just couldn’t stop the flow of what I was doing and preferred to clean up at the end instead.  After a while, I think they learned to just avoid the kitchen while I played chef. 

I remember one day, though, when I was on break from college, my dad walked into the kitchen to find me slapping pasta on the new kitchen cabinets to see if it was done.  I suspect his blood pressure was as high as the spaghetti dangling from the upper cabinet door.  My mother was trained as a surgeon nurse at Mt. Sinai Hospital and so I like to think her discipline to clean up as she cooked originated from her education.  When it came to the home, she had a specific way of doing everything down to the smallest of details. 

At the end of 2019, I was feeling a bit stressed by the year-end mess in my own home.  Due to some unexpected twists and turns, I just couldn’t find the time to clean like I usually do over the holidays.  I like my home to be in order and decorated in time for the Winter Solstice. 

On New Year’s Eve, I meditated on how I was stepping into 2020, this big new decade, with unfinished business from my past and how my home was reflecting this.  As my mind released its grip on the stress and overwhelm, I felt a wave of compassion for myself rise within me just as I would for any of my Reiki clients feeling this way.  Healing isn’t about fixing what you think is wrong with you, but instead about meeting yourself with love and blessing where you are, mess and all. 

There really is no magic switch come midnight January 1^st that turns us into brand new people with all these great new habits and goals that make us better.  Each breath you take is a new beginning from which you evolve, from which your energy flows and from which your mind can change its focus. 

What 2020 is teaching me so far is that sometimes life needs to get messy for you to discover a new layer of wholeness.  Just like creating a delicious meal, sometimes the kitchen needs spaghetti hanging off the cabinets and sauce on the floor for the best possible outcome.  And then at other times, you have the luxury to clean up as you go. 

My resolution for this next decade is to mindfully bless the messes in my life, to fully embrace those times when I can’t clean up as I go.  I will meditate with the unfolded pile of laundry next me and do yoga on my unvacuumed rug, remembering that with each breath I have a choice to allow the energy to take me where I am meant to be.  In turn, these practices will help me face some of life’s bigger messes.

If you entered 2020 with some of your own lingering messes, take a moment to bless them and honor where you are.  I am always reminding myself that nothing is permanent, and no matter what is happening today, your next course is being prepared in the kitchen of life.