Have you ever been told you are too sensitive? Throughout my childhood and well into
adulthood I have been told I am too sensitive and 2020 is teaching me how to
own it in a whole new way.
Being told I was too sensitive didn’t make me less sensitive,
it just created a patterned response of silencing the messages my emotions and
body were giving me. Between adults telling
me to shake things off and my dance training encouraging me to push through the
physical pain to build strength and flexibility, I compensated for my
discomfort by working harder.
On January 16th of this year, I was officially
diagnosed with celiac disease. Because
of my age, this “later-in-life” diagnosis means that it is progressed and the
lining in my small intestine will take a couple of years to heal. For those who don’t know about celiac disease,
it’s a condition where the body reacts to gluten by breaking down the lining of
the small intestine. Untreated, it can
lead to other autoimmune disorders. When
I was a child, I suffered from migraines and swollen adenoids which can be symptoms
of celiac disease. I also struggled to
concentrate and focus and so worked twice as hard to get good grades. I remember spacing out during reading class
in third grade and my teacher humiliating me for it in front of all the other
students.
Looking back now, the signs were always bubbling under the
surface, but celiac disease wasn’t well known at the time. I had a male doctor once tell me my chronic
anemia was because I am a menstruating woman.
The psoriasis on my foot was treated with steroid creams without any
other exploration into why this was appearing out of nowhere in my late
twenties. Then there was the episode of “food
poisoning” that landed me in the hospital.
In recent years other chronic issues have crept up and I decided
to see a functional medicine doctor who would connect the dots and not just
treat symptoms. After taking the time to
ask questions about my entire life’s history, she ordered the bloodwork that
revealed the genetic marker and antibodies for celiac disease. All it took was her listening and exploring
the bigger picture.
The GI doctor who performed the diagnostic endoscopy said to
me that at least I got to enjoy gluten for an extra ten to twenty years. I was stunned by her words because I never
enjoyed gluten foods like bread, bagels and pasta. In fact, I rarely ate them because I usually
felt terrible after. Instead, I was
grieving the fact that I had gone through most of my life pushing past my
symptoms not realizing they were pointing to something wrong with my health.
In energy medicine the small intestine is connected to the
Sacral Chakra which engages your capacity to be nourished not just by food but by
your life experiences. Learning Reiki led
me down a path of emotional and spiritual healing that has restored my
relationship to what makes me a highly sensitive person and accept it as a
strength instead of a perceived weakness.
This work has helped me to forgive the past and forge new patterns to support
myself and other empaths so we can continue to feel nourished in life instead
of depleted.
This return to energetic wholeness has come full circle and
now my physical body is being given a chance to catch up to my spirit. My health requires me to take ownership of my
physical sensitivities just as much as my spirit invited me to take ownership
of my emotional sensitivities. In many ways,
this new limitation is setting me free to advocate for myself like I never
could in the past.
As unity and cooperation in slowing down the spread of COVID-19
are being embraced around the world, it occurs to me that we are all catching
up to the collective soul of humanity.
There is a deep longing in people to feel part of an interconnected whole. Many of the conflicts around the world are
ultimately rooted in a fear of being rejected, left out, left behind or falling
behind whether it be in finances, health, safety or general happiness and fulfillment. This virus is teaching us that when we cooperate
for the greater whole, we discover a new level of appreciation and respect for
one another. In limiting our personal
freedoms in the short term, we are helping to set the world free of this virus
and perhaps establish a foundation for a better tomorrow where no one is left
behind by society.
Every night at 7 pm, I hear the ever-growing roar of people
cheering and clapping for all the essential workers risking their wellbeing to
serve people’s basic needs and safety. On
my block we now have the dogs barking alongside and a tuba player!
Being forced to isolate is an opportunity to reflect on what
matters most. When we emerge, will it be
with a sense of unity and appreciation for our fellow human beings and the earth? We will be forever changed by this virus and the
gift in that is the opportunity to lay the foundation for what we want this
changed tomorrow to look like.
