Where Fear and Magic Meet

One of my fondest memories from college is when two of my friends and I stayed on campus during spring break.  While we were catching up on work study hours and homework, we’d also enjoy having the grounds almost completely to ourselves.  With spring emerging, we’d have our day outings when we weren’t working.  In the evening, we’d make dinner together and play games. 

Some nights, Michael and Terry wanted to watch horror movies.  They were obsessed with them.  These movies were terrifying to me, but I’d go along for the ride.  We would scream and laugh all at once.  The anticipation of something emerging from the darkness would rattle me from head to toe!

While I’ll probably never be a horror movie lover, I do appreciate why people are obsessed with them.  Whether it’s pleasant or terrifying, the element of surprise is exhilarating, especially when it emerges from the mysterious darkness.  We have no choice but to be fully present to the moment when these flashes of fear take over us.  We become alert, with our adrenaline rushing, and it’s exhilarating. 

Scary things aren’t all that emerges from the mysterious shadows of life though.  There is also magic, and magic requires that same presence to the moment that our fear does.  There is a full-on surrender to what is unfolding before us that allows room for unexpected blessings to arise.  It’s all part of the soupy mix of life that offers us the chance to embrace the unknown and trust that you can be in both your fear and your magic at the same time. 

Earlier this year, when I was experiencing a tremendous amount of uncertainty, a series of unexpected blessings came into my life.  As I was meditating one day, a message came through from the universe saying, “How much will it take to prove that I’ve got your back?”

If this chaos cycle has taught us anything, it’s that so much is out of our control, and the more we resist that fact, the more we suffer.  Instead, if we choose to become our own alchemists during challenging times, we discover true freedom.  We don’t have to like the challenges we face, but we do have the choice to surrender to them with faith in ourselves knowing that the answers will be revealed when we’re ready.

The new moon in Scorpio this week embraces the most mysterious parts of our being.  Not just the shadowy parts of ourselves that aren’t ready to be fully acknowledged, but the patterns that operate unconsciously through our whole being, influencing our inner and outer experiences.  Opposing this new moon is Uranus in Taurus.  Uranus likes to shake things up with the unexpected and doesn’t seem to care whether they’re pleasant surprises or our most dreaded fears coming true. 

Depending on what area of your life has been shaken up by the chaos of the past two years, Uranus’ mission is to set you free from the old to make room for deeper levels of transformation.  While this can be as terrifying as watching a horror film, it is also working magic in unexpected and mystical ways.  In the end this dance between the sun, moon and Uranus is creating space for us to discover a whole new level of connection to self, others, and life.

How can your fear and magic come together to support your inner and outer alchemy? 

What ways you can be present to all of it to help the process along?

Opening Doors for Ourselves and Others

Ten years ago a wise friend said to me that the moment you get clear on what you want, the universe can dump a pile of s*!t in your way.  The bigger the dream, the bigger the pile!  The key to manifestation is in overcoming these challenges and obstacles so you can capture the energy, inner and outer resources and space needed for your vision, dream, and goals to manifest.

In my childhood bedroom, I had a poster with a ballet dancer and a quote about how you can do it if you can dream it.  While a seemingly positive affirmation, this quote actually contributed to a negative unconscious belief that something must be wrong with me if I didn’t achieve my goal or that maybe I’m not worthy of success.  What I’ve come to learn throughout my adult life is that dreams and goals aren’t about the outcome.  The true sense of achievement is held within who we become in the process. 

I’ve never had any issues with dreaming up the possibilities of life and marinating in them with enthusiasm.  Both my parents have always encouraged me to try new things and to never be afraid to follow my heart.  I love visiting the realm of all possibility.  It brings clarity when I feel a bit lost, and it opens doors within myself I wasn’t aware of before.  When one of these doorways to my inner realm opens and I can feel my heart sing, magic starts to happen in my outer world and the doors of opportunity begin to fly open. 

At the beginning of the pandemic, I realized I hadn’t been spending nearly enough time in this realm of higher dreams and found myself throwing out all my old vision boards and personal mapping and planning guides I’d created.  I wasn’t giving up on my dreams.  I just needed to give them some space to explore what’s next and give myself a break to enjoy what I’d already set in motion.  Ironically, the more I slowed down, the more the doorways of new opportunities flew open. 

Whenever I ask someone if resources and opportunities were limitless for them, what would they do or create?  It never ceases to surprise me that most people either don’t have an answer of any sort or they immediately come up with a list of reasons why they prefer to go with the flow of life and setting goals is pointless.

Here’s the thing.  Going into the realm of all possibility isn’t about not being in the flow.  If anything, dreaming up the possibilities is about coming into alignment with the flow of life and your true self.  This practice becomes a source of inspiration and a way to find answers when life gets messy, and it’s the key to calling in the right opportunities. 

Where we can get lost in the process of putting a dream or goal into action is when we attach our worth and self-esteem to the outcome, or we try to control the process.  Life does indeed happen when we’re making other plans and embracing that part of the manifestation equation is a lesson in relinquishing total control.  This isn’t solo creation!  It’s co-creation!  That’s why it can feel so magical and it’s important to embrace the process with a sense of curiosity, adventure, and play. 

As the world has watched the unraveling of the Afghan government and the thousands of people fleeing the country to escape the tyranny they could otherwise face, I’ve been reflecting on how there is a generation of young Afghan women who never knew the oppression their mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers experienced.  Over the past twenty years, the doors of opportunity flew open for these women, and they were fearless in following their dreams of becoming artists, scientists, governing officials and much more.  They revolutionized the culture of Afghanistan because in their hearts they always kept the doors of possibility wide open.  They knew all too well what was at stake if they shrunk from their hopes and dreams.

Now those actual doors of opportunity are closing again for the women of Afghanistan, and many are fleeing for their safety and freedom.  As I send healing energy for the entire nation and the safety of everyone involved, I also envision those doors of opportunity remaining open for the women who worked so hard to contribute to the growth of their country and its culture.  Just as we hold the door open for someone, especially when they have their hands full, we can do the same in our hearts for those who are oppressed.

For those of us who live in an open society, the inner and outer challenges we face are often rooted in conditioning from family and society and the stories we tell ourselves about our dreams.  The thing is, they are just that – stories!  Stories are just partial truths of the big picture and when we begin to unravel them, we begin to see they have no power over us. 

Taking a dream from the realm of possibility and breaking through the barriers of our inner and outer challenges takes work, but the kind of work that leaves you feeling full of satisfaction at the end of the day, because all of it was fueled by a sense of possibility that comes only when we keep our inner doors open to opportunities both seen and unseen. 

Plugging Into Your Power Grid

Since last summer, I’ve been participating in an online course for empathic souls with intuitive life strategist, Robert Ohotto.  In one of his numerous in-depth talks, he introduced the concept of plugging into a power grid of light, much like an electrical grid, and invited us to name the power grids that fuel us in a healthy way.  Encouraging us to commit to the practices that plug us into this energy, he later discussed how the dimension of joy permeates all other dimensions and is available to us even in our darkest moments.  We just need to be present long enough for joy to catch up to us.  I also remember hearing the rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks discussing with the Dalai Lama how joy is something we receive in the moments we are fully present in mind, body, and spirit.

Robert also shared how grief is a part of joy and how we're not taught to look at it this way.  The day before I listened to this talk, I had gone for a walk when a butterfly flew into my face in such a way that I turned my head and noticed a ladybug sitting on a flower.  Just before my stepmother passed away in April, she came to me in a dream and said “Ladybugs will be our thing!  Every time you see one, know that I am with you.”  I cried both tears of joy and grief in that moment as I was reminded that we are all connected even when we’re operating in completely different dimensions. 

All throughout these last 18 months, my walks in the park among the trees have been a way to plug into my own power grid and restore my sense of wholeness on the days I feel anxious or sad, but also on the days I feel happy and at peace.  Either way, it’s about being present so joy can entrain you to a higher vibration and create space for everything to unfold with a sense of grace.

In recent months signs have been hung on the trees throughout the parks that say “It’s okay to hug me.”  I also discovered a tree that hugs me back.  It has a nook in the trunk that’s perfect for a human to lean back into and feel held and supported.  When I do that and look up through the leaves, I can feel the warmth and light of the sun on my face and hear the gentle splashing of the water from the lake behind me – the perfect place to plug into my power grid. 

Several years ago, I wrote a waka poem about a tree.  Waka poems are similar to haiku, but with a slightly different stanza structure. 

The Hugging Tree

Tall shade, rooted in

deep stillness, climbing branches

of dreams, arms hugging

an unmoved trunk, its soul wraps

me in a loving embrace.

********

Joy isn’t rooted in what we accomplish, have, or do.  It’s rooted in the right here, the right now! 

All you need to do is plug in and allow it to flow wherever it needs to go to light up your life in powerful ways. 

  

Breaking out and into the Light

 

The sun depicted on Japan’s national flag represents the revered sun goddess Amaterasu.  It is said that the imperial family members are her descendants.  Amaterasu’s mythological story begins with being born from her father’s left eye while her one brother is born out of his right eye and her other brother from his nostrils.  While her father assigns her to rule the sun, her other two brothers are assigned to rule the moon and the storm clouds.  When her first brother’s dark side emerges because the moon’s light reflects the sun and doesn’t shine from within, a family feud ensues. 

Ashamed not only by the actions of her two brothers, but also her own destructive rage, Amaterasu retreats to a cave and blocks the entrance with a boulder, leaving the land in complete darkness for about a year.  After countless attempts by the other kami (divine beings), to coax her out of the cave, Omoikane, the Shinto god of wisdom, decides to appeal to Amaterasu’s curiosity and threw a big party.  The sound of the music and dancing eventually enticed her to return to the mouth of the cave where an eight-fold mirror had been placed to reflect her beauty and light.  In realizing her true light once again, sun was restored to the land. 

Amaterasu’s story has been an inspiration along my personal healing path as the practice of Reiki reminds you to shine your true light in every aspect of life.  As spring emerges after a long and hard year for many, it feels like something is breaking open within the collective and a new energy is emerging that will sustain the transformation to help us heal and evolve.

Just like seeds planted in the dark earth, there’s a desire to break open our shells to welcome the sun back into our lives.  However, for some the moment of breaking open can be the hardest part.  I know for myself, while I love change and growth, the initial pivot hasn’t always been the easiest.  I remember when I first left home, I would cry every time I said good-bye to my parents.  Yet, once my bus hit the highway, I would be fine.  It was a time of transition from childhood to my adult life and I knew life was never going to be the same.  Yet, I was also looking forward to what the future had in store.

Deciding it's time for a change is one thing but making the first move can indeed feel like you are breaking open.  When embracing life’s number one rule that the only constant is change, sometimes there’s no choice but to allow the shell that keeps you contained to break open.

It can mean shedding the parts that once kept you feeling safe but as you emerge from the container of safety you learn just how bright your light is meant to shine not only for you, but for those around you.  Every sprout has its vulnerability, but as the unshakable light of the sun continues to coax it to keep growing, it eventually transforms into a strong plant.  When we break open and allow the light of our true nature to shine, we know that no matter how uncertain life may feel, the cycle of rebirth will always come back around.

Permission to Shine On

On the afternoon of November 5^th last year, I began facilitating a distance Reiki healing for a friend and longtime member of the Reiki community here in NYC.  A few days prior, David informed me he had COVID and was struggling with a high fever.  As I started the healing session, something felt off and the energy wasn’t flowing like it usually does.  Instead, I felt his presence with me in the room alongside our Reiki teacher, the late Margaret Ann Case.  A vision of him smiling and feeling free kept showing up in my mind.

I immediately contracted inside and told myself this was just fear getting in the way and continued to facilitate the Reiki as best as I could.  When I reach out to David afterwards to check in with him, he didn’t pick up the phone.  In the weeks that followed, my calls and texts went unanswered and so I told myself he must be in the hospital getting the care he needed.

As the holidays grew closer and his phone was disconnected, the reality set in and I began looking online to see if I could track down a possible family member. 

It turns out David had just transitioned to the other side of life when I was transmitting the distance Reiki.  My soul knew the truth and was trying to inform me, but I wasn’t ready to receive the sad news.

David was a quiet soul and person of few words when he joined us at the Reiki Circles.  However, receiving Reiki from him was a powerful experience because those were the moments when he allowed his soul to fully shine through without hesitation.  As I shared the news of his passing in early January, people would reach out and say, “Do you mean that David who had the hottest hands in the room?  What a wonderful experience!”

Grieving the loss of a fellow traveler on the Reiki journey is never easy.  David was there from the beginning of my journey and we’ll continue to share it together but in a different way.  When I think of him, there is a beautiful sense of joy, love and freedom and it brings me so much peace in knowing this. 

This experience was a clear reminder that the soul always knows the truth and eventually, when we’re ready, that truth will be revealed. 

The energies around the full moon in Leo this week are extending a celestial invitation to create space for soul to reveal its truth with clarity.  Leo is all about uninhibited self-expression and allowing your true light to shine.  This regal archetypal energy honors and takes joy in the unique unfolding of your higher self. 

The great lion is seeded in all of us and, through the luminous light of this full moon, it is giving you permission to shine and be seen in whatever way that feels perfect for you.

For David, one of the ways his light shined the brightest was when he facilitated in the flow of Reiki.

In what aspects of life does your soul long to illuminate its light the most?  Check in with yourself this week and ask. 

With hopefully the last stretch of this chaos cycle winding down, now is a great time to contemplate where your soul most desires to shine on as we emerge.

Soul never lies.  Even if you don’t understand the answers right away, trust that the truth will become crystal clear when you are ready.