How Eagle,
Dragonfly and Elk spirit guided me through thresholds of change this
summer.
At the beginning of this summer, I made the
conscious decision to slow down and give myself some long-overdue time off for rest
and relaxation. The challenges and
losses of the past few years and the changes that evolved out of them left
little time for my personal systems to play catch up and my daily self-care
routine was no longer enough. This wasn’t
just a desire but a duty I had to myself and my overall wellbeing.
Ironically, there were several waves of
chaos and disruption that framed everything I had planned for myself. Some of it was heartbreaking and some of it was
just plain annoying and frustrating. On
one particularly challenging day, as tears of both grief and grievance were
flowing, I found myself asking what purpose is this chaos serving? Yes, my victim archetype was genuinely asking
and sincerely wanting to understand. The
answer came over me almost instantly as a message of love. The gift in it all was to help me shake loose
the grief that had been struggling to find expression. In the days and weeks following that moment
of surrender, there was a lifting in my heart and a sense of relief that I hadn’t
felt in a while.
At the end of July, I went to Kripalu for a 5-day
retreat as part of my declared summer of self-restoration. One morning there was a dense fog over the
lake while a group of us were kayaking. Taking
in the beauty of the mist as we set out along the lake’s edge, I remembered
that one of my intentions for the trip was to gain clarity on what areas of my
life are ready for something new. Shortly
after turning a bend, we came across an eagle standing over its nest. While we could hear the babies calling out
for breakfast, we could only see the outline of their parent standing
guard. A while later, our group came together, holding
onto the edge of each other’s kayaks as the guide led us through a visual meditation. While my eyelids were dropped to connect
within, my peripheral vision was still alert and noticed a flash of wings. As I looked up, the most exquisite sight of
the eagle gliding over the lake and disappearing into the thick mist took my
breath away. I laughed inside as my
clarity was coming through crystal clear.
Eagle was telling me to just be in the mystery of it all and not worry
about clarity right now.
Towards the end of my stay, I sat one
morning at the edge of the field across from the retreat center. This large swath of property was set aside
for wild grass to grow, providing a habitat for pollinators and critters that fertilize
the soil. In the golden morning light, a
large dragonfly danced over the tips of the grass for the better part of a half
hour. I was mesmerized watching this magical
creature zooming back and forth and doing acrobatic flips. It felt like the dragonfly was taking me
through a guided meditation as I stopped what I was doing and allowed myself to
just be present with the joy of the moment.
Towards the end of its dance, the dragonfly flew in front of me at eye
level as if to take a bow before exiting the grassy stage. I could see its eyes and the light shimmering
off its wings as it suspended itself in the air. The wisdom of Dragonfly in that moment was to
allow myself to be guided by my joy.
A week after returning from my retreat, I had gifted myself one more very special experience this summer and that was to make my very first hang drum. I knew that when the time came to add a drum to my healing toolbox, I would have to make it myself instead of just buying one in a store. The facilitator calls herself the Drum Doula because when you make your drum there is an energetic birthing process held within sacred ceremony and ritual. As we were guided in stretching the elk skin over the hand carved wooden frame, we were each encouraged to commune with the spirit of our elk and ask her to reveal how she wants to work with us through the drum. After we took our drums home, there was a gestation period before we could initiate the drum and play it for the first time.
On the morning of the new moon in August, I got up before dawn to do this ritual during the sunrise. There were thunderstorms overnight, so the morning was very overcast, and I was disappointed that there wouldn’t be a colorful sunrise for my drum’s initiation, but still I knew this was the right moment. As I held her to my heart and began to play a slow heartbeat rhythm, I felt a release of energy from the drum telling me she was ready to be played. As I began beating the drum, it didn’t even feel like I was the one playing it at first and as I looked up at the sky, a single pink cloud appeared amidst all the gray clouds, as if the heavens were welcoming the drum into this world.
A few days before I performed this ritual, the drum spoke to me and revealed her purpose as being a guide for my wounded healer to evolve to the next dimension of learning and growing. She was coming into my life to help me stay connected to my magic as I step through the threshold of transformation and in turn help others do the same.
I’ve discovered that one of the many ways drumming
heals is by offering us a steady, stable rhythm when certain areas of our lives
are in disarray. It can stabilize any
fears and anxieties and help us to trust ourselves when stepping into the unknown
territories that come with change.
The stressors in life will always ebb and
flow and sometimes we can meet them with grace, wisdom, and a sense of
empowerment while other times they can set off triggers and collapse us. No matter how we meet them, the nourishment
we receive from these experiences is sourced in trusting that we’ll eventually be
guided back to our true nature and sense of wholeness.
This summer the medicine of Eagle, Dragonfly
and Elk reminded me of this and brought me to a new threshold of change. Eagle revealed the importance of surrendering
to the mystery of the unknown, Dragonfly reminded me of the joy that is always
present in my heart and Elk guided me to a new level of understanding my own
inner healer.
