For anyone who identifies with being an empath, the holidays can come around each year with a mixed bag of stress. It’s not just about the booked calendars, deadlines and extra activities, but it’s also about coping with the external energies that can throw an empath off balance. Empaths are like sponges, mopping up the energy in their environment and with the heightened energy of the holidays, they can get saturated quickly. Setting clear internal and external boundaries are crucial for an empath to maintain their wellbeing and happiness any time of year, but especially during the holiday season.
Here are some tools to consider if you’re an empath and, even if you don’t identify as an empath, these tools are great for just about anyone who is finding themselves stressed right about now.
1. Be realistic about expectations you place on yourself. Manage your expectations for what can be accomplished without killing yourself. Often the usual to-do list takes on a life of its own with personal and professional expectations during the last weeks of the year. As empaths we often want to please others and go the extra mile, but this may be the time to activate your inner slacker whenever possible and send your inner perfectionist on a well-deserved vacay. You of course want to meet your responsibilities and do a good job but evaluate what items can wait or what doesn’t need to be perfect. Believe it or not, being half-assed at certain things can create surprisingly good results, just in a different way sometimes.
2. Make an exit strategy when RSVP’ing to the obligatory holiday parties. If you dread the annual office holiday party or similar social occasions, think about ways you can attend without getting drained by the extra socializing. These occasions can often involve spending extra time with people who already drain your energy, so be mindful of how you can limit your exposure. Maybe scope out a person you worked well with on a project and get to know them more. Or, attend the party early and have a reason to leave before everyone starts crowding in. While you may feel the need to attend in order to develop your professional relationships, you don’t necessarily have to stay the whole time. Know your limits and then have a plan to bow out. If you find you must stay longer than you’d like, find ways to take short breaks like stepping outside to get some air.
3. The white lie that isn’t really a lie. When saying “No, I can’t because I have other plans,” and the plans are to stay at home, that isn’t really a lie. Honor your need to have time at home for self-care. You don’t need to explain your no. Simply say no without explanation. It leaves little wiggle room for someone to talk you out of your decision or cross your boundaries. Saying no is just as much a gift to others as saying yes. Saying yes when you want to say no is not only dishonoring yourself, it can leave you unfairly resenting those around you. And if you have to say no even when you really want to say yes, look for alternative ways you can accommodate a request or invitation. If you regret saying yes to something, make note of it for next time. Taking responsibility for the decisions you make can be extremely empowering when you’re an empath.
4. Manage your triggers around family. Over the years I’ve noticed some of my students and clients looking at going home for the holidays as a test for how far they have grown in their self-awareness. To quote Tolstoy, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Empaths often grew up with dysfunctional family dynamics and can be triggered by hostility or negativity in the room even when it’s not being directed at them. Their reflex is to try and neutralize a situation even at the cost of their own sense of ease and well-being. When going home for the holidays, look for ways you can take breaks from the group dynamic by going for a walk, reading a book, playing with the family pets or the younger children. Also suggest activities that will take everyone’s attention off each other and on something else. Volunteering as a family at a soup kitchen or a toy or coat drive can bring meaning to the occasion and be a reminder of the true spirit of the holiday season. You could also get tickets for the family to attend a holiday show at the local community theater.
5. Do something creative or crafty like baking, making ornaments, etc. Working with your hands calms anxiety and focuses your whole being on the present moment. The hands are an extension of the heart. There are literally channels of energy that run from the heart and into the palms of the hands, so making something with your hands is a way of sharing your love with others. It’s also a great way to calm your heart in return. When you work with your hands, your mind, body and spirit are fully engaged, and this helps you feel more grounded. There are tons of craft ideas out there even if you don’t see yourself as a crafty person - coloring, painting, pottery, knitting, cooking, baking, making candles, lotions and soaps. There’s lots to choose from, so make that trip to your local craft store and let yourself get lost in the aisles to see what resonates for you.
6. Prioritize your inner circle. Make the people who mean the most to you and leave you feeling uplifted your top priority. It can be easy to get caught up in the social obligations that we forget to schedule time with the people who make us laugh and love us for all our silly quirks. So even if it’s a coffee or lunch date before you head out of town, make sure to schedule time with your besties. Some of my best friends live far away and so we’ll schedule a phone visit over coffee either just before or after the holidays to catch up on each other’s lives knowing it’s going to be an hour plus conversation.
7. Slow down on the alcohol and sugar consumption. Alcohol and sugar are in abundance at the holidays and it can be tempting when you’re low on energy or stressed out to reach for one or the other or both. One of the best ways to manage your energy and stress is to cut back on the booze and sweets. I find that sugar cravings are a clue that the body is trying to get grounded. Make sure you get enough protein (lean and plant-based are best), greens and root vegetables. A little unsweetened cacao will also help curb the sugar cravings.
8. Don’t abandon your daily rituals. This one can be seriously challenging for me. Having a morning ritual has been an important part of helping me stay focused and energized throughout the day. All year long I do everything I can to stay true to these rituals, so even when I fall off track during the holidays, it’s easy to get back on the saddle. Don’t beat yourself up if you drop off, but also be aware of it and get back on track as soon as you can.
I often refer to myself a recovering empath and it’s taken a lot of work and self-awareness to not slip completely back into my old patterning. What I’ve learned on this journey so far is that it’s critical to “stay in my lane” and not take on other people’s issues or emotions. This has helped me to both restore my personal power and deepen my state of compassion for those around me. Taking on other people’s heavy emotions and challenges doesn’t give them the energetic space they need to learn, grow and heal in their own way and timing that is right for them. I love the visual of being a lighthouse. A lighthouse stands tall and strong and shines its light. It doesn’t try and chase the boats down and direct them on where to go. If they did, then their light couldn’t shine as far and wide as it does.
Discovering the language for what it means to be an empath enlightened me on the unconscious emotional patterning I’d been carrying around for most of my life. It’s been a deeply rooted part of who I am for so long that shifting this energetic patterning has required consistency, patience and most importantly self-love. My empathic nature may never completely disappear, but when I become aware of it, I can recognize more quickly what I need to do to manage my energy.
Whether you’re an empath or simply stressed out this holiday season, gift yourself the space you need to explore your energetic needs. It’s a gift that will keep on giving throughout the entire year.
