Breaking out and into the Light

 

The sun depicted on Japan’s national flag represents the revered sun goddess Amaterasu.  It is said that the imperial family members are her descendants.  Amaterasu’s mythological story begins with being born from her father’s left eye while her one brother is born out of his right eye and her other brother from his nostrils.  While her father assigns her to rule the sun, her other two brothers are assigned to rule the moon and the storm clouds.  When her first brother’s dark side emerges because the moon’s light reflects the sun and doesn’t shine from within, a family feud ensues. 

Ashamed not only by the actions of her two brothers, but also her own destructive rage, Amaterasu retreats to a cave and blocks the entrance with a boulder, leaving the land in complete darkness for about a year.  After countless attempts by the other kami (divine beings), to coax her out of the cave, Omoikane, the Shinto god of wisdom, decides to appeal to Amaterasu’s curiosity and threw a big party.  The sound of the music and dancing eventually enticed her to return to the mouth of the cave where an eight-fold mirror had been placed to reflect her beauty and light.  In realizing her true light once again, sun was restored to the land. 

Amaterasu’s story has been an inspiration along my personal healing path as the practice of Reiki reminds you to shine your true light in every aspect of life.  As spring emerges after a long and hard year for many, it feels like something is breaking open within the collective and a new energy is emerging that will sustain the transformation to help us heal and evolve.

Just like seeds planted in the dark earth, there’s a desire to break open our shells to welcome the sun back into our lives.  However, for some the moment of breaking open can be the hardest part.  I know for myself, while I love change and growth, the initial pivot hasn’t always been the easiest.  I remember when I first left home, I would cry every time I said good-bye to my parents.  Yet, once my bus hit the highway, I would be fine.  It was a time of transition from childhood to my adult life and I knew life was never going to be the same.  Yet, I was also looking forward to what the future had in store.

Deciding it's time for a change is one thing but making the first move can indeed feel like you are breaking open.  When embracing life’s number one rule that the only constant is change, sometimes there’s no choice but to allow the shell that keeps you contained to break open.

It can mean shedding the parts that once kept you feeling safe but as you emerge from the container of safety you learn just how bright your light is meant to shine not only for you, but for those around you.  Every sprout has its vulnerability, but as the unshakable light of the sun continues to coax it to keep growing, it eventually transforms into a strong plant.  When we break open and allow the light of our true nature to shine, we know that no matter how uncertain life may feel, the cycle of rebirth will always come back around.

Permission to Shine On

On the afternoon of November 5^th last year, I began facilitating a distance Reiki healing for a friend and longtime member of the Reiki community here in NYC.  A few days prior, David informed me he had COVID and was struggling with a high fever.  As I started the healing session, something felt off and the energy wasn’t flowing like it usually does.  Instead, I felt his presence with me in the room alongside our Reiki teacher, the late Margaret Ann Case.  A vision of him smiling and feeling free kept showing up in my mind.

I immediately contracted inside and told myself this was just fear getting in the way and continued to facilitate the Reiki as best as I could.  When I reach out to David afterwards to check in with him, he didn’t pick up the phone.  In the weeks that followed, my calls and texts went unanswered and so I told myself he must be in the hospital getting the care he needed.

As the holidays grew closer and his phone was disconnected, the reality set in and I began looking online to see if I could track down a possible family member. 

It turns out David had just transitioned to the other side of life when I was transmitting the distance Reiki.  My soul knew the truth and was trying to inform me, but I wasn’t ready to receive the sad news.

David was a quiet soul and person of few words when he joined us at the Reiki Circles.  However, receiving Reiki from him was a powerful experience because those were the moments when he allowed his soul to fully shine through without hesitation.  As I shared the news of his passing in early January, people would reach out and say, “Do you mean that David who had the hottest hands in the room?  What a wonderful experience!”

Grieving the loss of a fellow traveler on the Reiki journey is never easy.  David was there from the beginning of my journey and we’ll continue to share it together but in a different way.  When I think of him, there is a beautiful sense of joy, love and freedom and it brings me so much peace in knowing this. 

This experience was a clear reminder that the soul always knows the truth and eventually, when we’re ready, that truth will be revealed. 

The energies around the full moon in Leo this week are extending a celestial invitation to create space for soul to reveal its truth with clarity.  Leo is all about uninhibited self-expression and allowing your true light to shine.  This regal archetypal energy honors and takes joy in the unique unfolding of your higher self. 

The great lion is seeded in all of us and, through the luminous light of this full moon, it is giving you permission to shine and be seen in whatever way that feels perfect for you.

For David, one of the ways his light shined the brightest was when he facilitated in the flow of Reiki.

In what aspects of life does your soul long to illuminate its light the most?  Check in with yourself this week and ask. 

With hopefully the last stretch of this chaos cycle winding down, now is a great time to contemplate where your soul most desires to shine on as we emerge.

Soul never lies.  Even if you don’t understand the answers right away, trust that the truth will become crystal clear when you are ready. 

Poorly Wrapped Gifts from the Universe

 

Shortly after I became a Reiki master, I met someone who I was crazy about.  I remember our first date was getting lemonade and just talking, walking, and laughing in Battery Park until we got kicked out at 3 am.  That was a magical summer as he was the air to my fire.  When the fall arrived, he realized he wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship after having left one just before we met.  The disappointment came crashing down and paralyzed me in many ways.  While my intellect understood he wasn’t ready for me, my heart was tired of yet another disappointment. 

I remember my Reiki teacher telling me one day that I may need to begin “healing my relationship to disappointment.”  It took me a while to understand what she meant but eventually I realized it isn’t the disappointments themselves but the stories I make up around life’s disappointments.  Sometimes disappointment would activate my victim, “why me” emotional patterning while other times it gave my false ego a chance to chime in and tell me I’m not worthy.  Then there were the disappointments that fueled my false beliefs around how the world “really works” and forget what your higher self is saying. 

There are many stories we tell ourselves when experiencing disappointment whether the source is another person, a situation, or the world at large.

BUT. . .

Over time I’ve come to learn that those who handle disappointment without self-doubt and false stories see those moments as an invitation to let go and discover a new direction they hadn’t considered before.  I often hear people talk about how grateful they are for those pivotal moments when the universe set them on an even better path than they could have imagined.

For myself, I know that when I examine my own disappointments in the rearview mirror, I am deeply grateful.  To add humor to the process, I will call those disappointments “poorly wrapped” gifts from the universe. 

This year has been full of a lot of personal and collective disappointment.  Not being able to see loved ones, make the plans we’d hoped for, find the opportunities we were seeking, and watching the world become more divided instead of united.  It’s a lot and yet many people I know have shared with me the unexpected blessings and opportunities they’ve received this year.  Not even the chaos of 2020 could stop the flow of abundance they were destined to receive.

There is no switch come midnight that lights up a perfect new world experience nor is there a magic wand to make everything easier and better.  But just as the day gives way to the night, the night in return gives way to the day.  It’s during the transition that we have an opportunity to flip the stories we tell ourselves with an understanding that the past doesn’t have to dictate the future if we shift the mindset and energy we bring to the present.  It’s how we allow the flow of change to emerge in a way that is aligned with soul and not the entangled stories we unconsciously carry in the psyche.

When my heart broke over 15 years ago, I didn’t allow the grief to flow completely because of my own false stories.  In turn, some of that grief stuck with me for way too long.  Disappointment is a part of the equation in life, but it isn’t the destination.  It’s up to us to decide how our relationship to disappointment will work for us and not against us.  Will it just create more inner resistance to receiving future blessings and opportunities? Or will it become a wave that you ride back to the shore so you can see more clearly what’s next on the horizon? 

No matter where your disappointments landed in 2020, how will you capture the good parts about a situation not working out and take them with you into 2021?

How will you define those disappointments instead of letting them define you?

Going into 2021, I’m taking my time to marinate in the energies that will best nourish me in the coming months, prioritizing self-care over making too many commitments.  Winter is the season for the inner work that will best support aligned action throughout the year.  Nature doesn’t just flip a switch come springtime and bloom overnight.  There is a lot of underground work that goes on before the flowers can emerge.  When we do the inner work with patience, self-love, and appreciation, we build the foundation for what we desire to unfold with ease and in perfect timing. 

This is the time to DREAM, BREATHE, and ALLOW.

This is the time to DREAM without limiting what is possible.

This is the time to BREATHE and create space for those possibilities.

This is the time to ALLOW your desires to morph into something new. 

Looking to the Horizon

 

Last weekend I watched the film, The Glorias, based on Gloria Steinem’s autobiography, My Life on the Road.  While there is so much more to Steinem’s life as an activist, feminist, and journalist than the film could possibly include in 2-1/2 hours, I was moved by the way it captured her inner dialogue with four different versions of herself.  In between the film’s segments that danced back and forth between her past and present, black and white scenes would take place on a bus where she would have different conversations between her young child self, teenage self, younger adult self and her older self.  They would hold court on the twists and turns she would take and the decisions she made along the way to lead a life that challenged societal expectations of women. 

At one point in the film she interviews her teenage self as if she’s a host on a TV talk show.  Her inner teenager describes her dreams of going to Hollywood and then settling down to get married, have three children, either a boxer or a golden retriever, a house decked out with a dance floor among other things and a convertible.  Then she pauses, looks at Gloria and asks why she isn’t married . . .

This moment struck me, because how many of us could look back on our original childhood dreams that were seeded without realizing all the twists and turns that would unfold us in ways beyond what we could imagine.  My teenage self would have given me a puzzled look if she found out what I do today, but when I think about everything that interested me outside my initial childhood dreams, being drawn to the mystical aspects of life and having natural sensitivities that felt more like a weakness than a strength, it all makes sense.  In having these conversations with my inner child, I’ve come to understand that becoming who your soul came here to be sometimes means letting go of the original dreams and expectations you placed on a younger version of yourself.

Whenever I hear someone in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond say, “I’m still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up,” I sense a certain self-imposed expectation that they need to have their life figured out in a way that passes some kind of approval rating by society.  To that I say, “None of us have it figured it out.  That is why we are here to begin with.”  Each of us came into this life with a soul contract to learn something and engage with what we learn to contribute to the greater whole.  The circumstances in which we are born, the blessings and challenges we experience along the way and our own internal knowing help to reveal what that contract means to each of us.

This chaos cycle initiated by the events of 2020 is in many ways an invitation for the dreams and expectations of the collective to be released to allow for the next stage of humanity’s evolution.  These last weeks of the year hold some beautiful opportunities for each of us to begin our own inner work to contribute to the collective shifts that will be unfolding in the years ahead.

A new moon solar eclipse on December 14^th is inviting each of us to recognize and begin shedding the expectations and beliefs we’ve placed on ourselves that keep us small and in turn reignite our passions in a whole new way.  Then on December 21^st for the Winter Solstice, Saturn and Jupiter come so close to each other that they will appear as one giant star in the sky just a few days after each of them enters Aquarius.  Jupiter carries the archetypal energies of expansion and optimism while Saturn presents us with an energy that keeps us grounded and practical.  Every twenty years these two planets come together in this manner to usher in a new generation, so to speak, but this time around they are also ushering in a whole new era.  This 20-year meeting of the planets has been taking place in the earth signs for the past 200 years and now they will be meeting in the air signs for generations to come, building on an energy of equality and collective unity. 

Two of the most magical moments in a day are at sunrise and sunset - when the night surrenders to the day and the day surrenders to the night in return.  As we look to the horizon of this next 20-year cycle, these last weeks of 2020 are an invitation to begin healing from the deferred dreams, disappointments and losses, and look with courage to the mystery of what comes next, having faith in yourself that everything you need is already within you and the road ahead will be revealed in right timing. 

Gazing on the World with Love

Every year during the first two weeks of November, I try my best to work my schedule around the weather forecast to make sure I find time to spend in nature on the days the sun is shining.  There is this magical window between 3 and 4:30 pm when everything turns gold. This year while I was bicycling through Central Park at that hour and basking in this gorgeous light, it felt like the universe was casting a loving gaze on me and the rest of the world.  Out of the blue, the Jackie Wilson song, “Higher and Higher” popped into my head.  Usually when this happens, I receive it as a message from spirit.  As I reflected on the lyrics, “Your love keeps lifting me higher than I’ve ever been lifted before,” it was a reminder that when we tap into the eternal love that shines within us, everything flows with ease and our spirits can be lifted in an instant.

Later that week, as I was running some errands, I found myself smiling at everyone I saw on the street as I passed by.  I realized though, that no one could see my smile underneath my mask!  I wondered how many people would “feel” the energy of my smile instead.  In the practice of Reiki, we don’t just transmit the flow of energy through our hands, but also through our eyes.  I decided in that moment to continue smiling at everyone I passed, and to also consciously transmit this universal love energy through my eyes.  It didn’t matter to me if we made eye contact, or they even knew I was smiling at them.  I was simply committing to gaze on the world with love, just like the sun, without needing anything in return.

On Halloween this year, I created an altar to my ancestors and placed pictures of my grandparents and other loved ones who are now on the other side.  When I took a picture of the altar, an orb of light appeared right over a photo of my Papa Bromage reading to me as a baby.  This tiny round light centered itself right over my heart.  It reminded me of E.T’s heartlight. 

Remembering our true light and the essence of love that exists within us is probably the greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world this holiday season.  It’s what makes life a mystical, magical journey, especially in times when we might not know what’s next.  It’s a reminder that when we believe in a loving universe, it responds with love in return. 

How a Shaving Cut Changed Everything

When my maternal grandmother was six years old, she came home from school to discover her father had died.  Great Grandpa Taton was a Welsh immigrant working hard to build a life for his family in New York City, but he had succumbed to an infected shaving cut that spread to other parts of his body.  Nowadays we take minor cuts like this for granted, but it would be another 20 years before penicillin was made available.  Having to grow up fast, my grandmother would end up dropping out of high school to find work and help support her family. 

When I was younger, I never understood why she would lecture me about not picking at the scabs on my knees or examine my face for anything unusual.  Health was a big concern for her because she knew firsthand the devastating cost of not having good health.

However, my grandmother also carried with her another emotional entanglement when it came to her health.  Because of the hardships her family endured, there wasn’t a lot of room for love and affection to be expressed, but when someone got sick, they were nurtured and cared for as an act of love.  In many ways, being sick became an unconscious form of emotional manipulation to receive the love you otherwise wouldn’t get.

I look back on all of this and realize how these unconscious belief systems and emotional patterns affected my relationship to my own health.  Whenever I got sick, I felt conflicted.  Getting sick meant plans getting upended and a fuss being raised.  I hated being sick because it meant not only slowing myself down but slowing down everyone around me. 

In eighth grade I had an upper respiratory infection for two weeks.  My teacher, Sr. Martha, humiliated me in front of the class when I returned to school and treated me like I was lazy.  After that, I adopted an unconscious pattern of powering through when I wasn’t feeling well to compensate for any sense of weakness.

Fast forward to November of last year when I met my functional medicine doctor for the first time.  After spending over an hour with me discussing my entire life’s history, she ordered a series of specific blood tests.  One revealed that I have celiac disease which has required me to develop a new relationship to my health, including being hyper aware of the food I eat and every symptom I experience.  I’m still learning to understand when a symptom is nothing and when it’s revealing something important.

Adjusting to this whole new level of self-care has also motivated me to face my shadow beliefs when it comes to my health.  It’s been uncomfortable having to advocate for myself when I’ve always taken pride in being an easygoing and not so “fussy” person.  Now I’m learning to be okay with speaking up and raising a fuss because my body is depending on me.

This experience has also inspired me to reflect on my ancestors’ relationship to health since celiac disease is genetic.  It’s clear that my uncle who was also my godfather had celiac disease from birth and was never diagnosed.  He was born with eczema all over his body, which can be a symptom of the disease, and was in a great deal of pain most of his life.  He was also a highly sensitive person but tried hide it with his tough exterior.  Celiac was yet to have an official place in the medical books when he was born and I can’t help but wonder if it had, how his life would have been different.  I sometimes wonder how many generations back this disease can be traced and how my ancestors dealt with their symptoms.  Were they labeled as weak or overly sensitive?

Over the years I’ve had seemingly unrelated and minor health issues.  I know now my body was trying to tell me something; but between medical doctors treating them as “minor” and my pattern of powering through discomfort, the truth would remain obscure.  The chronic psoriasis on my foot was treated with a steroid cream until I discovered natural tamanu butter.  One time I asked about having low blood sugar and a doctor told me to just eat an apple.  When I mentioned migraines to another doctor, they tried to sell me Botox injections.  Then there was the chronic anemia that was chalked up to me “being a menstruating woman.”  Had I not been in my shadow pattern and instead listened to what my body was telling me, perhaps I would have challenged my doctors more.

Nature is always reaching for a state of balance and it is a natural impulse for humans to do the same.  When one generation experiences an entanglement, the next generation responds, consciously or unconsciously, to create balance.  Sometimes this will heal a pattern and other times it creates more emotional entanglements that are passed on to the next generation.

My grandmother would tell me many times that having your health is everything.  When I think of my ancestors and the emotional patterns and belief systems they adopted to find balance in their struggles, I can appreciate my journey to health and happiness on a whole new level.  I can almost hear them celebrating on the other side because I am unraveling the entanglements they couldn’t. 

With 2020’s ongoing chaos cycle, this fall’s shadow season provides a richness to any inner soul work we decide to explore within our own shadows.  Health and security are two major themes at play this year along with grief and loss.  As big shifts in the balance of power within the collective are added to the mix, we have an opportunity for lasting change and growth.

How can we listen to what our bodies are telling us and what our souls are teaching us at this time? 

Now is the time to receive these answers from within and for each of us to take ownership of our ultimate truths. 

It’s not what you receive, but how you receive it!

My parents instilled a strong work ethic in me from when I was young.  Whenever I asked for something significant, I was required work off at least half of it, my ten-speed bicycle being one of the most memorable.  Looking back, I understand they didn’t want me taking anything in life for granted.  While helping my dad in the yard one day, a neighbor pulled up and asked him how he gets me to work so hard when they couldn’t even get their kids to make the bed. 

As a young adult, people marveled at my work ethic and determination.  I’ve never been afraid of working hard and I’ve come to accept this pattern as a travel companion in this lifetime.

However, the message that got lost along the way is that working hard also requires being equally receptive to the blessings of life.  What I didn’t take with me into my adult life was owning my worthiness to receive love, receive support, receive value in return for everything I put out into the world.

During an advanced class with my Reiki teacher one day, a fellow student who was practicing on me asked a question.  I sat up to listen to Margaret Ann’s response and she turned around, shoved me back down on the table and said, “You need to learn how to receive!”  Lying there stunned, I didn’t know what to say. . .

I’ve recalled this memory frequently over the years because of the many lessons I’ve learned on what it means to receive.  Images of being passive with open arms and hands would come to mind when I thought of receiving back then. 

On the contrary, receiving is full of dynamic action if you are in the flow of welcoming in your deepest desires!

In recent weeks I’ve been meditating with the goddess Shakti and her wisdom on the topic of femininity and receptivity.  As a divine guide of the unfolding power within our worldly experiences, she knows how to receive what she desires as she dances and flows through the realm of the lower chakras which represent the elements of earth, water and fire until she communes with Shiva in the heart chakra, the chakra center of balance.  As Shakti merges with Shiva who is shining down from the heavens, revealing the divine within all the material realm, she receives this heavenly love by conceiving and giving birth to new creation.

How we receive determines how we evolve, expand, grow, and create. 

I’ve learned for myself that how I receive is probably the biggest factor when it comes to the law of attraction.  Magnetizing the opportunities and experiences you most desire, means being crystal clear on how you want to receive them. 

For some, it may mean a sudden pick-up-and-go-now pivot while others may wish for ease and flow as change for the better unfolds in their lives.  Passion, pleasure, and inspiration may be at play with how you receive while others may wish to experience harmony, balance, and inner calm.  

The universe is ready to serve whatever meal you want.  It’s up to you to decide if you want a leisurely feast or a quick but nourishing meal on the go. 

While vacationing in Yosemite Park a few years ago, I got on a bike for the first time in well over a decade and was reminded of the joy and pleasure bicycling gave me all those years ago as a child.  This time around, I fully received that joy without any pressures to earn it.  As my stepsister and I biked through the forest one afternoon, we communed with a family of deer among other wildlife and explored hidden treasures within the landscape. 

This year, the autumn equinox, the time of receiving abundance, lands on September 22^nd, making it an 8 day in numerology.  Eight represents the infinity symbol and the balanced flow of giving and receiving through which the power of transformation unfolds. 

There is the phrase, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” 

For me, the flipside of that phrase is, “It’s not what you receive, but how you receive it.”

This fall season I am intentionally receiving with gratitude and appreciation, ease and grace, and the joy and pleasure that will inspire creative flow in all areas of life. 

How will you choose to receive with intention during this time of harvest and abundance?

Share in the comments.