Perceiving Light

Twenty years ago this year, I received my initial Reiki attunement.  I’ll never forget the first thing I noticed afterwards while looking around the room at my fellow classmates.  I thought there was something going on with the lighting but soon realized I was seeing the individual auras of light around each student.  It was as if each person was wearing a different colored helmet of light.  It was both beautiful and unnerving at the same time.

Soon after, I would begin the process of understanding what it all meant.  When the colors appeared more dense and closer to the body, the person was often experiencing a heavier emotion.  When the colors expanded outward and were more translucent, there was a harmonic flow to the energy.

Some days I would walk into the classroom as my teacher was setting up and observe the room bathed in a beautiful golden hue of light.  At other times, orbs of light would appear in response to the energy and information being exchanged.

After a while, as my other intuitive senses became more active, the colors of light didn’t appear as often and now I tend to perceive colored light only when I need to be aware of what is happening with the energy in any given situation.  Sometimes the colored light emerges to confirm what I’m already sensing or thinking and other times it takes the lead by providing me with precise intuitive information.

A couple weeks ago I was listening to a documentary on PBS about how the brain perceives information through the senses and they were discussing how humans and other species perceive color differently as a survival mechanism to alert them to danger as well as to finding the food and shelter they need.

As an energy healer, working with the light body, the documentary brought me back to that first day when I sat down in class and instantly perceived the colors around each person.  It was an initiation of sorts, acknowledging that I had arrived at the threshold of a new way of perceiving life and little did I know just how much my life was about to change for the better.

The other day, while walking around the lake in Central Park, I was watching the light sparkling like diamonds on the water and felt a tingling at the top of my head.  As I looked around, there was a teenage girl in a beautiful bright red quinceañera dress having her picture taken with her parents in one of the alcoves.  She looked like a rose against the greenery.  As I passed the next alcove over, someone was setting up a sign that said, “Marry Me” and arranging rose petals in a pattern around the bench.  There was so much light being anchored in these two adjacent spots and to be a quiet witness to this filled my own heart with so much joy.

As I headed home, I realized that as a healer and lightworker, one of the roles I’ve accepted in this lifetime is to perceive the light in any given situation whether its purpose is for healing and restoring balance or for anchoring it into this three-dimensional world through these moments of celebration. 

It’s often talked about how our thoughts create our reality, but it’s not as simple as that.  I often remind myself that what I perceive ultimately shifts the energy and shapes how my experience unfolds.

In quantum physics, particles are found to behave based on how they’re being observed, so the patterns of perception through which we observe life in turn shape how we think, feel, respond to, and experience any given situation.

On Tuesday, here in New York City, we have the annual phenomenon called “Manhattanhenge” when the sunset lines up with the grid of side streets and is perfectly framed by the buildings no matter which street you’re standing on while facing west. 

Because of the angle of the city, this happens every year, both three weeks before and three weeks after the summer solstice.  It’s a chance to take in the beauty of the sun’s light as it reaches its peak each year and in turn celebrate how you express your own unique light in this world. 

The transition of spring into summer is a fun time to explore what your personal color palette looks like.

What colors are you drawn to?

What colored clothes have you been wearing?

What colored foods are you eating?

How do certain colors make you feel?

As you observe your surroundings, take a few moments to soften your gaze and just take in the lighting and the colors that are prominent.  There’s a reason children are drawn to colorful things. Color invokes the imagination and sparks creativity.  As adults we don’t need to lose that connection as I’ve learned on my own journey as an energy healer, committed to perceiving and anchoring as much light as possible into this material world. 

What Makes New Moons So Magical?

It’s always wonderful when we get a hint of spring on St. Patrick’s Day here in New York City and this year was no exception.  As the late afternoon approached, people were shedding their heavy coats and enjoying the extra daylight with a walk in the park.  The energy all around felt free and light.

As I made my way around the lake in Central Park, a robin swooped out in front of me just as I turned a bend along the pathway.  I could feel the breeze from his wings as he flew upwards, landing on a tree branch, and posed as I took his picture.  I smiled knowing that the return of the robin is a definitive signal from mother earth that spring has arrived.

Robin wisdom is about shedding what no longer serves your highest good and planting the seeds of new intention as you commit to new patterns of relating to yourself and others. 

Each year the spring equinox marks the beginning of the astrological new year when the sun moves into the sign of Aries and this year it is followed by a new moon the next day to amplify the energies of this new cycle of growth. 

What makes new moons so magical? 

When the moon and the sun meet in the sky approximately every 29 days, the moon, which is usually the brightest object in the night sky, is no longer visible.  Helping to regulate the ebb and flow of water on the planet, it is a part of our daily rhythms whether or not we’re aware of its presence.  On the nights the moon goes dark, we can no longer see it, allowing the stars and planets that are further away from our view to be seen with more clarity.

The new moon is a moment each month when the archetypal energies of the higher realms can commune with your own inner realm just as an old cycle is ending and new one is beginning.

This is an opportunity to pause, meditate, and reflect while allowing a higher perspective to emerge and support the process of setting a clear intention with a sense of certainty that is more somatic and less intellectual.  It produces an inner knowing that infuses your whole being and not just your mind. 

Taking a pause during a new moon can help you recognize just how far you’ve come and what next steps, small as they may seem, can help you release what is no longer relevant to your own journey.

Sometimes it’s about setting small goals to help you feel safe in moving forward in your life.  Other times it’s about being ready to take a bigger leap of faith into the unknown.

The most lasting changes that can support your evolution are often an accumulation of the small steps you’ve taken along the way which eventually pave the way for you to take that next big stride forward. 

Understanding your level of readiness to both let go and move forward is important and the new moon is a beautiful time to find those answers within yourself, free from the patterns and expectations of your outer world. 

What new intentions and patterns are ready to come online in your life?

New moons are often used as a time to plant the seeds of intention that are supported by the cycles of nature and when these intentions are set with clarity and commitment, these moments can produce the feeling of magic in your life.

Clarity is the key here.

Clarity in what is genuinely possible.

Clarity in what feels good as you envision your intentions.

Clarity in the creative energies you are working with.

Clarity in how you are surrendering any attachment to the outcome and allowing synchronicity to play a role in the process.

The energies for the spring equinox and new moon are particularly potent this year.

For the first time in a few years there is a greater sense of freedom to plan as there is less turbulence impacting our daily lives. 

With this opening though, the question to ask is how you can do things differently than before and are you ready to make different choices?

What choices no longer align with your values?

What choices deplete your energy and are only made to please others?

What choices keep you self-connected and support your growth?

When deciding what intentions you are ready to set at the beginning of a new cycle, it’s great to know it in your mind, envision it, and even plan, but when you feel that resounding YES in your heart and a lightness in your body, then you know it’s an intention with some power behind it.

Intention setting is at its most powerful when it comes from a neutral space within, one that is not tethered to the outcome but instead seen as an adventure. 

Obstacles are no longer a reflection of your worthiness or victimhood but explored as tools for learning and growth; and disappointments turn into course corrections towards something even better than you could have imagined.

In turn, you become more open to the playfulness and magic of the synchronicities experienced along the way such as the robin that reminded me of the beautiful new beginnings that await us this spring. 

The Wisdom Found in Resistance

 

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready to prepare everything that needed to be sent over to my accountant for tax season and was feeling an even greater level of resistance than I have in the past.  Mustering up the energy and focus usually takes time but once I’m in it, I can keep going until I’m done.  This year, however, the distractions took over in a big way – playing with my cat Gracie, scrolling social media or the news, marinating on some creative ideas, bingeing on Netflix, looking up new recipes for the huge batch of radishes that came in my farm share. 

Inner resistance is great at presenting an endless number of distractions. . .

Playing music in the background usually helps me to focus, but I even found myself stopping to look up an artist for a song I heard on Pandora.  Time would tick by and in the end, my spreadsheets would sit on my screen with all the yellow highlights of what needed to be filled in.

Why did this very straightforward task seem like such a steep climb this year?  I recognized some simple logistical changes that could make the process a little easier, but it felt like there was something more to this resistance.  After some deeper inner reflection, I realized that once everything is cleared off my plate for 2022, it means looking ahead to what’s next and this year in particular feels like a big a mystery.      

I’m usually pretty clear on my yearly goals and plans by the beginning of February, but this year feels a little like putting on new shoes that haven’t been broken in enough.  I’m not sure how far or what direction I can go in them just yet and that’s okay.  In asking my resistance to reveal to me what’s going on, I could then lean into it with some loving care and compassion. 

While reflecting, I was also reminded that some of the most magical things in my life have transpired from this neutral zone of not knowing what’s next but being completely open and present, trusting that clarity will come through in divine timing.

Once I could acknowledge all of this, I was able to gather the energetic momentum to not only conquer this task, but I got it done sooner than I usually do. 

For me, the month of March is all about resistance.  Spring and winter are doing a back-and-forth dance.  Some days the hope of spring is front and center and other days, the cold, bitter wind kicks up to make it feel like January all over again.    

Transitions can be deeply challenging, even when they involve changes that bring us joy. We’re investing our time and energy into something new that can feel different, unfamiliar or maybe even awkward and so our inner resistance kicks in. 

Resistance itself isn’t a bad thing though. It’s what we do with our resistance that either builds power or diminishes it. As a seed buried in the safety of the earth prepares to break open and transform into a plant, resistance is needed in order for it to take root and grow.  As much as a flower reaches for the sun, it must also reach deep into the earth for stability.

When working with inner resistance as an energetic companion, you become empowered to release any shame around self-sabotage.  In turn, resistance can become an objective gauge for pacing your energy and expectations for what can and can’t be accomplished. 

Resistance can reveal a tremendous amount of wisdom when you develop a healthy relationship with it.  The question to ask is why the resistance is there in the first place.  What purpose is it serving? 

Is the resistance acting out on behalf of your inner saboteur that doesn’t feel safe with change, even if that change can lead to some juicy new growth in an area of your life?

If so, then give that part of you some love and ask what it needs to feel safe.

Is the resistance due to a lack of clarity or having a game plan organized? 

Sometimes resistance is simply due to not having a system in place to get something done, whether it’s a simple to-do list or mapping out a more intricate plan. The process of planning is sometimes the best antidote to the kind of resistance that is perpetuated by not knowing what to do next.

Is the resistance an intuitive red flag, revealing that you’re embarking on something that’s just not right for you?

Sometimes resistance is actually a message of wisdom coming from your higher self, telling you that the situation you’re struggling with ultimately isn’t for your highest good and it’s time to let it go.

Is the resistance pointing to an obstacle that feels too overwhelming to conquer?

Sometimes obstacles can appear too big to overcome and what you really need is to find the path of least resistance to discover a way around instead of pushing through.

Inner resistance can be a gift when we befriend it and get curious around what it’s trying to reveal. 

It helps us to overcome our fears. 

It assists in healing any shame around what we haven’t been able to accomplish on our own.

It brings forth clarity when old patterning prolongs a state of confusion and uncertainty.

It reveals where we can create more stability for new growth in our lives.

As for me, 2023 looks like it could turn into a bit of a magical mystery ride.  And if resistance decides to join me during any leg of the journey, I can trust it to reveal something new about myself and still lean into each juicy moment with joy and gratitude.

 

 

The Night I Found a Bear in My Closet

One of my earliest childhood memories is of running into my parents’ bedroom to wake them up in the middle of the night after seeing a bear emerging from my bedroom closet.  Of course, as soon as they turned on the lights, I realized nothing was there even though it felt so real.

I look back on that night with curiosity because I don’t know if I dreamt of the bear in the closet or if I’d imagined it in the dark or both.  The memory didn’t emerge until decades later when panda spirit showed up as a power animal during a shamanic journey at a workshop and shared that he had been with me as a protector ever since that night.

My Dad had just returned from a trip to Hong Kong and gifted me a stuffed panda that I still have to this day.  I’d kept the panda all through the years even though I’d gotten rid of most of my other childhood toys and relics and now I knew why I was drawn to keep it.  Panda spirit is very playful and fun loving, sensitive and compassionate, but also needs solitary time and sets strong boundaries.

Children are often able to observe unseen worlds, which is why it’s common for parents to be awakened in the night by their youngsters who are convinced something is there that doesn’t exist in this 3-D plane.  However, these interactions with guides visiting from other dimensions can be experienced by any of us when we’re in a theta brainwave state and young children usually spend most of their time in a theta state. 

Unfortunately, this connection to both the unseen world and imagination subsides as children get older and are expected to fall in line with the collective tribal conditioning of being realistic and sensible.  It’s all rooted in an ever-evolving expression of survival coping mechanisms, but it’s also a reason for so much of our untapped potential to be left sitting in the shadows.  While yes, human beings need to adopt a skillset for meeting the practicalities of life, it’s also empowering to maintain a connection to the mysteries of the unknown.  It’s easy to not bother with remembering our dreams, taking up a creative project just for the sake of engaging our imagination or taking a moment once in a while to acknowledge our natural intuitive nature. 

There’s a default tendency to process what happens in life through the lens of what we already know instead of perceiving life through a symbolic lens that offers a rich landscape of wisdom and understanding.  To play with our imagination and intuition means dancing in the dark and allowing clarity to come later.  It’s about observing something that doesn’t immediately make sense and instead allowing the meaning to be revealed in right timing, even if it takes years or decades.

When a shaman travels between worlds to retrieve healing wisdom, they begin with the steady rhythm of a drum or other instrument and sit in a dark space that supports them entering a theta state to commune with spirit.  We all have a healing shaman in us that can travel between worlds to receive support from unknown realms, just as a child sees their spirit animal coming out of the closet in the middle of the night.  While you don’t necessarily have to take a shamanic journey to the steady rhythm of a drum, it does help to be engaged in an activity that gives the logical brain a break and offers the symbolic mind the internal mic.

As the days grow shorter this time of year, nature creates the circumstances for us to commune more easily with the spirit realm.  This is a great time to start a dream journal, begin a new creative project or take a nature hike to see what spirit animal shows up.  In fact, you don’t even need to be in nature for a spirit animal to show up.  Just the other day, as I got turned around at a subway stop while meeting a friend in Brooklyn, a large yellow butterfly appeared and turned down the street in the direction I needed to go.

There’s no right or wrong way to engage the part of you that understands the symbolic nature of life.  You just need a willingness to dance with the unknown and see where spirit takes you. 

Messages from an Angel in Training

One and a half years after my maternal grandmother passed away, I had the most amazing reading with an intuitive healer named Emily Blank.  As soon as she started the reading, Emily said there were a lot of guides on the other side wanting to connect with me, but one particular guide was being very loud and vocal and announced herself as my grandmother. 

As Emily received her messages for me, one funny thing Nanny shared was that she is now an “angel in training” but she doesn’t “get a certificate like I did with Reiki”. 

The funny thing is that Nanny has appeared to a few of my more intuitive friends over the years.  A friend called me up one day and said she appeared in a dream and announced herself as my grandmother.  Another woman who is naturally psychic (but not a professional psychic) called me and asked if I had a grandmother on the other side.  I’d only met the woman once and she said that Nanny showed up, announced who she was and proceeded to follow her around all day.  She shared uplifting messages that included details this woman would have never known, like the type of perfume she kept on her dresser. 

While I don’t necessarily need other people to receive messages from Nanny, the way she is pushy with others and eager to get her messages across makes me laugh. 

Shortly after my reading with Emily, I started seeing the number 919 everywhere and finally one day I realized this was Nanny’s birthday - September 19^th – and she was letting me know that when I see this number, she’s connecting with me.  It isn’t just when I look at the clock that I see 919.  The number will pop up on a store receipt or street number, in a sequence while I’m working, or just about anywhere numbers are involved. 

Initially, 919 would appear after I’d had a tough day and it was her way of soothing me.  I would feel a warmth come over me, like she was giving me a hug. 

However, over time, I started paying more attention to what I was thinking, feeling, and engaged in when the number appeared.  I’d check in and sure enough, she’d be highlighting a thought or situation.  I’ll also sometimes ask her what she’s trying to tell me, and the messages get clearer and clearer.  Sometimes it’s a reminder that I haven’t spoken to my mother in a while.  Other times there’s a message that gives me clarity on a situation.  Then there are times when she’s just saying hello. 

In the early days of the Ukraine war, the number 919 was coming up multiple times a day like I’d never experienced before.  One night, I looked at my phone just before lighting a candle to pray and meditate, and sure enough it was 9:19.  As I settled in and got deeper into the meditation, Nanny showed me an army of angels surrounding planet earth and pouring a powerful white light over Ukraine.  She understands how much grief and fear I experience when learning of human atrocities.  She reminded me to tend to my own light to assist the angels in doing their work.

Unless it’s not a person’s time to die, Angels don’t intervene until humans ask for their assistance.  Over the past month, as I continue to send light not only to Ukraine, but the world as a whole, I ask for assistance from the angels in channeling light to these dark dimensions that cause human suffering.  Light doesn’t always dispel darkness, but it can bind the dark so it can’t spread.  It also highlights the truth of a situation to inspire people to help others. 

The first time I ever personally experienced the presence of an angel intervention was over 20 years ago when a loved one was in physical danger.  I was sound asleep when I felt a hand grab me by the collar and pull me out of bed.  Still half asleep, I barely felt like I was in my body as I picked up the phone, without knowing why, and made the call that intervened and eventually lead to this person’s safety.

Angels are everywhere and I love it most when they show up in my healing sessions.  They are beings of light carrying messages from the divine and the more we open our hearts to them, the more they can assist us.  As I mentioned, they will intervene when it’s not your time to die, like in the case of my loved one.  They will also support those who are dying to make their transition as peaceful as possible.  But they will also show up to connect in fun and playful ways if we’re open to having a joyful interaction with them. 

Students who study Reiki with me will often ask why they are suddenly seeing the same number sequences everywhere such as 1111 or 222.  They want to know what it all means.  I advise them to pay attention to what they are thinking and feeling when the number sequence appears.  Just as we build friendships and professional relationships over time, when we consistently invite them to join us on this earthly adventure called life, we can develop deeper connections with the angels.

Angels are often misfits who love to be playful in their interactions.  In the final years of my grandmother’s life, her personality became much more playful and mischievous.  For her friend’s 90^th birthday party, she stayed out until 3 am like she was a teenager.  Her jokes were sassier as well.  At her 88^th birthday party she asked when the stripper was arriving.  We were shocked because Nanny was always much more reserved.  I can’t help but wonder if her training to become an angel hadn’t already started in her final years of life. 

America’s Pluto Return and Healing of its Karma

Most years Presidents Day comes and goes, and I don’t give it much thought other than gratitude for a 3-day weekend to catch up on taxes or other projects.

This year, though, the cosmos is inspiring those of us who follow astrology to reflect on the karma of the founding fathers.  This week, for the first time since the founding of our nation, Pluto returns to its exact location in the sky as on the day the Declaration of Independence was signed.  It will also ping this point in space a few times this year.  

When you look at the symbolic nature of this, Pluto is the god of the underworld, the place where we experience a dark night, heal our karma, and in turn are reborn.

On the day the Declaration of Independence was signed, these men turned around and continued living out of alignment with the very truths they had declared.  They continued to enslave Africans, slaughter Native Americans, and destroy a land that didn’t belong to them, creating a whole lot of dark karma.  

The lead up of Pluto pinging 27 degrees Capricorn this week started back in 2008 when it first entered Capricorn and the economy collapsed.  What has happened since then?

10 years ago Trayvon Martin was slaughtered and his killer got away with it, giving birth to the Black Lives Matter movement calling out racism and racial inequality.

We’ve also had the Me Too movement calling out misogyny.

We’ve made gay marriage legal through the Marriage Equality Act.

We’ve had the Standing Rock protest against the Dakota Access Pipeline, calling out the oppression of Native American communities.

Then there was the election of Trump who is the ultimate embodiment of America’s dark side, bringing to light that we still have a long way to go to heal the karma of this country.

And over the past two years the pandemic continued to amplify this karma, dividing us instead of uniting us.  

We are at a pivotal point.  Do we take the momentum of the good that’s come out of these past 14 years and continue working to make this karma whole?

Or do we double down on the patterns that destroy our democracy and end up losing the very freedoms the original presidents claimed they stood for?

It’s time to make our country whole.

At this very moment, there are school systems refusing to teach about slavery, the holocaust, and the massacre of the Native Americans.  How can we evolve if we don’t understand the past?

The systems at play want us to be divided.  Political parties, the tech industry, communication and media, religions, economics, dark conspiracy theories created to distract us from the truth are all in play to trick us into taking sides and in turn shaming the other side until they are deemed unworthy.

When we consciously choose to unplug from these systems, we remember that we’re all created equal in the eyes of the divine, god/goddess, source, however you relate to the greater whole.  

This country was founded on the premise that anyone escaping oppression could come here to carve out a life of liberty.  We’ve come far, but there is still quite a ways to go for us to reach the point where we can say that we do indeed live according to these values. 

It’s time to create equality through healing our land and waters, through meeting the basic needs of every human being, through remembering that we are all equal.

(Photo by José de Azpiazu on Unsplash)

Remembering Love in All the Right Places

 

There is a growing number of loved ones in my life who have passed away and as time goes on, there’s been a beautiful shift in how I relate to their love.  The first big loss was my maternal grandmother.  She passed away on Valentine’s Day 13 years ago.  I was in London visiting my brother at the time and I believe it was her way of always reminding us how much she loved us.

Each of my closest loved ones who have passed on have a way of connecting with me from the other side.  The number 919 shows up when my grandmother is reaching out to me.  Her birthday was 9/19.  With my paternal grandmother, blue jays show up on my fire escape or follow me around in the park.  She loved watching the birds hanging out at the feeder in her backyard.  These are reminders that I am still loved even if I can’t be with them here on the earth plane.

When my stepmother, Linda, passed away last spring, she came to me in a dream and said, “Ladybugs will be our thing.  Anytime you see one, remember that I am with you.”  I thought to myself that’s nice, but I rarely run into ladybugs.  There was that time over a decade ago when one rode the subway on my shoulder and got off at Columbus Circle, but that’s about it.  The next day I saw a big bright ladybug on the label to a wine bottle and said to myself, “Very funny Linda.”  Then a few weeks later, as I was walking in the park, a butterfly flew into my face and as I turned my head, there was a ladybug sitting in the middle of a flower.  I would have missed it if the butterfly hadn’t slammed into me.  Last fall, my dad was visiting, and we were sitting on a bench near the river when a ladybug decided to join the conversation. 

Most recently, I was watching the television show This is Us (small spoiler alert ahead if you’re not caught up) and the mother, Rebecca, is recalling a day when the kids were having a tantrum in the car and a ladybug flew in through the window, immediately transforming the tantrums into sheer delight.  Here’s the kicker. . . The kids named her Linda the Ladybug. 

Linda suffered from Alzheimer’s the last 16 years of her life.  In the final years she was unable to communicate yet being alone with her in the silence was never difficult.  I could still feel the love and joy that was in her heart.  She might have lost her memories and forgotten her words, but she still remembered love and I could still experience that with her.

Love is such a powerful force and yet can make us feel so vulnerable.  It serves up so much joy, pleasure, and passion and is also an elixir to help us heal when we are suffering.  In Reiki we work with a mudra called Gassho.  In other practices it’s known as prayer or namaste position.  When we work with this mudra and breathe into the heart, we begin to restore balance and harmony within our being.  As that harmony is restored, we can more easily remember with gratitude both the tangible and intangible expressions of love. 

Love is not only found in our personal relationships that make it easy to be loving, but also in the people who trigger our anger and fear.  When we can remember this, we can begin to shift how we respond to our most challenging relationships.  Love is accessible to every dimension of life, and it can be called upon to transform any given experience into something beautiful.

This week I was reflecting on the “recipe” for restoring the fullest experience of love in our lives and the words grace, compassion and joy came to mind.

Grace reminds you that you are loved, and you are enough no matter who you are and what you’ve accomplished.  It helps you to cultivate self-love and anchors a sense of safety within you so you can have the courage to explore your inner realm.  Think of how the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz discovered he always had courage in his heart and grace bestows this on us when we journey back to love.

Compassion creates space for you to embrace both the light and the dark.  It reminds you that everything is of the divine.  It brings fluidity to how you perceive yourself and others with kindness.  Within the word Compassion there is “Passion” which inspires you to stay the course as you seek to experience more love in your life.

Joy is the presence that exists within all dimensions of life.  It is found in the cracks of even the darkest of places as well as in your happiest moments.  It creates a nonresistant space within you to welcome the fullest expression of love into your life.  When joy is fully flowing within you, you can’t resist love.

Love is everywhere, even when we’re grieving or in a state of fear and worry.  

The mind prefers we stay in the old patterns of “looking for love in all the wrong places”. 

The heart encourages us to instead remember love in all the right places!