Gazing on the World with Love

Every year during the first two weeks of November, I try my best to work my schedule around the weather forecast to make sure I find time to spend in nature on the days the sun is shining.  There is this magical window between 3 and 4:30 pm when everything turns gold. This year while I was bicycling through Central Park at that hour and basking in this gorgeous light, it felt like the universe was casting a loving gaze on me and the rest of the world.  Out of the blue, the Jackie Wilson song, “Higher and Higher” popped into my head.  Usually when this happens, I receive it as a message from spirit.  As I reflected on the lyrics, “Your love keeps lifting me higher than I’ve ever been lifted before,” it was a reminder that when we tap into the eternal love that shines within us, everything flows with ease and our spirits can be lifted in an instant.

Later that week, as I was running some errands, I found myself smiling at everyone I saw on the street as I passed by.  I realized though, that no one could see my smile underneath my mask!  I wondered how many people would “feel” the energy of my smile instead.  In the practice of Reiki, we don’t just transmit the flow of energy through our hands, but also through our eyes.  I decided in that moment to continue smiling at everyone I passed, and to also consciously transmit this universal love energy through my eyes.  It didn’t matter to me if we made eye contact, or they even knew I was smiling at them.  I was simply committing to gaze on the world with love, just like the sun, without needing anything in return.

On Halloween this year, I created an altar to my ancestors and placed pictures of my grandparents and other loved ones who are now on the other side.  When I took a picture of the altar, an orb of light appeared right over a photo of my Papa Bromage reading to me as a baby.  This tiny round light centered itself right over my heart.  It reminded me of E.T’s heartlight. 

Remembering our true light and the essence of love that exists within us is probably the greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world this holiday season.  It’s what makes life a mystical, magical journey, especially in times when we might not know what’s next.  It’s a reminder that when we believe in a loving universe, it responds with love in return. 

How a Shaving Cut Changed Everything

When my maternal grandmother was six years old, she came home from school to discover her father had died.  Great Grandpa Taton was a Welsh immigrant working hard to build a life for his family in New York City, but he had succumbed to an infected shaving cut that spread to other parts of his body.  Nowadays we take minor cuts like this for granted, but it would be another 20 years before penicillin was made available.  Having to grow up fast, my grandmother would end up dropping out of high school to find work and help support her family. 

When I was younger, I never understood why she would lecture me about not picking at the scabs on my knees or examine my face for anything unusual.  Health was a big concern for her because she knew firsthand the devastating cost of not having good health.

However, my grandmother also carried with her another emotional entanglement when it came to her health.  Because of the hardships her family endured, there wasn’t a lot of room for love and affection to be expressed, but when someone got sick, they were nurtured and cared for as an act of love.  In many ways, being sick became an unconscious form of emotional manipulation to receive the love you otherwise wouldn’t get.

I look back on all of this and realize how these unconscious belief systems and emotional patterns affected my relationship to my own health.  Whenever I got sick, I felt conflicted.  Getting sick meant plans getting upended and a fuss being raised.  I hated being sick because it meant not only slowing myself down but slowing down everyone around me. 

In eighth grade I had an upper respiratory infection for two weeks.  My teacher, Sr. Martha, humiliated me in front of the class when I returned to school and treated me like I was lazy.  After that, I adopted an unconscious pattern of powering through when I wasn’t feeling well to compensate for any sense of weakness.

Fast forward to November of last year when I met my functional medicine doctor for the first time.  After spending over an hour with me discussing my entire life’s history, she ordered a series of specific blood tests.  One revealed that I have celiac disease which has required me to develop a new relationship to my health, including being hyper aware of the food I eat and every symptom I experience.  I’m still learning to understand when a symptom is nothing and when it’s revealing something important.

Adjusting to this whole new level of self-care has also motivated me to face my shadow beliefs when it comes to my health.  It’s been uncomfortable having to advocate for myself when I’ve always taken pride in being an easygoing and not so “fussy” person.  Now I’m learning to be okay with speaking up and raising a fuss because my body is depending on me.

This experience has also inspired me to reflect on my ancestors’ relationship to health since celiac disease is genetic.  It’s clear that my uncle who was also my godfather had celiac disease from birth and was never diagnosed.  He was born with eczema all over his body, which can be a symptom of the disease, and was in a great deal of pain most of his life.  He was also a highly sensitive person but tried hide it with his tough exterior.  Celiac was yet to have an official place in the medical books when he was born and I can’t help but wonder if it had, how his life would have been different.  I sometimes wonder how many generations back this disease can be traced and how my ancestors dealt with their symptoms.  Were they labeled as weak or overly sensitive?

Over the years I’ve had seemingly unrelated and minor health issues.  I know now my body was trying to tell me something; but between medical doctors treating them as “minor” and my pattern of powering through discomfort, the truth would remain obscure.  The chronic psoriasis on my foot was treated with a steroid cream until I discovered natural tamanu butter.  One time I asked about having low blood sugar and a doctor told me to just eat an apple.  When I mentioned migraines to another doctor, they tried to sell me Botox injections.  Then there was the chronic anemia that was chalked up to me “being a menstruating woman.”  Had I not been in my shadow pattern and instead listened to what my body was telling me, perhaps I would have challenged my doctors more.

Nature is always reaching for a state of balance and it is a natural impulse for humans to do the same.  When one generation experiences an entanglement, the next generation responds, consciously or unconsciously, to create balance.  Sometimes this will heal a pattern and other times it creates more emotional entanglements that are passed on to the next generation.

My grandmother would tell me many times that having your health is everything.  When I think of my ancestors and the emotional patterns and belief systems they adopted to find balance in their struggles, I can appreciate my journey to health and happiness on a whole new level.  I can almost hear them celebrating on the other side because I am unraveling the entanglements they couldn’t. 

With 2020’s ongoing chaos cycle, this fall’s shadow season provides a richness to any inner soul work we decide to explore within our own shadows.  Health and security are two major themes at play this year along with grief and loss.  As big shifts in the balance of power within the collective are added to the mix, we have an opportunity for lasting change and growth.

How can we listen to what our bodies are telling us and what our souls are teaching us at this time? 

Now is the time to receive these answers from within and for each of us to take ownership of our ultimate truths. 

It’s not what you receive, but how you receive it!

My parents instilled a strong work ethic in me from when I was young.  Whenever I asked for something significant, I was required work off at least half of it, my ten-speed bicycle being one of the most memorable.  Looking back, I understand they didn’t want me taking anything in life for granted.  While helping my dad in the yard one day, a neighbor pulled up and asked him how he gets me to work so hard when they couldn’t even get their kids to make the bed. 

As a young adult, people marveled at my work ethic and determination.  I’ve never been afraid of working hard and I’ve come to accept this pattern as a travel companion in this lifetime.

However, the message that got lost along the way is that working hard also requires being equally receptive to the blessings of life.  What I didn’t take with me into my adult life was owning my worthiness to receive love, receive support, receive value in return for everything I put out into the world.

During an advanced class with my Reiki teacher one day, a fellow student who was practicing on me asked a question.  I sat up to listen to Margaret Ann’s response and she turned around, shoved me back down on the table and said, “You need to learn how to receive!”  Lying there stunned, I didn’t know what to say. . .

I’ve recalled this memory frequently over the years because of the many lessons I’ve learned on what it means to receive.  Images of being passive with open arms and hands would come to mind when I thought of receiving back then. 

On the contrary, receiving is full of dynamic action if you are in the flow of welcoming in your deepest desires!

In recent weeks I’ve been meditating with the goddess Shakti and her wisdom on the topic of femininity and receptivity.  As a divine guide of the unfolding power within our worldly experiences, she knows how to receive what she desires as she dances and flows through the realm of the lower chakras which represent the elements of earth, water and fire until she communes with Shiva in the heart chakra, the chakra center of balance.  As Shakti merges with Shiva who is shining down from the heavens, revealing the divine within all the material realm, she receives this heavenly love by conceiving and giving birth to new creation.

How we receive determines how we evolve, expand, grow, and create. 

I’ve learned for myself that how I receive is probably the biggest factor when it comes to the law of attraction.  Magnetizing the opportunities and experiences you most desire, means being crystal clear on how you want to receive them. 

For some, it may mean a sudden pick-up-and-go-now pivot while others may wish for ease and flow as change for the better unfolds in their lives.  Passion, pleasure, and inspiration may be at play with how you receive while others may wish to experience harmony, balance, and inner calm.  

The universe is ready to serve whatever meal you want.  It’s up to you to decide if you want a leisurely feast or a quick but nourishing meal on the go. 

While vacationing in Yosemite Park a few years ago, I got on a bike for the first time in well over a decade and was reminded of the joy and pleasure bicycling gave me all those years ago as a child.  This time around, I fully received that joy without any pressures to earn it.  As my stepsister and I biked through the forest one afternoon, we communed with a family of deer among other wildlife and explored hidden treasures within the landscape. 

This year, the autumn equinox, the time of receiving abundance, lands on September 22^nd, making it an 8 day in numerology.  Eight represents the infinity symbol and the balanced flow of giving and receiving through which the power of transformation unfolds. 

There is the phrase, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” 

For me, the flipside of that phrase is, “It’s not what you receive, but how you receive it.”

This fall season I am intentionally receiving with gratitude and appreciation, ease and grace, and the joy and pleasure that will inspire creative flow in all areas of life. 

How will you choose to receive with intention during this time of harvest and abundance?

Share in the comments.

If you had one superpower what would it be?

A few weeks ago, I was cleaning out some papers and came across notes from a one-day workshop I attended almost 4 years ago.  

On one of the pages there was a question: If you had one superpower, what would it be? 

I scribbled: To Open Hearts!

I smiled at myself and reflected on what those words mean to me now.  A huge part of my Reiki journey has been about opening my heart to self-love and in turn being a source of compassion and healing for others.  Beyond that, though, I knew there is a reason this question was being revisited at this time.

After that workshop, I attended a weekend retreat with the same facilitator where she asked us to write a letter from our future selves.  As I began to write, I felt a presence from across the room and a wave of energy crack my heart open to release a flood of emotions.  As I looked up, I saw a bright emerald green light emanating from my future self’s heart chakra.  In looking back, I realize this was a form of self-healing transcending time. 

About a year and a half later, while teaching my Journeying Between Worlds class, I partnered with a student to go on a shamanic journey.  When she journeyed to return with an answer to my question, she described being led into my heart chakra and that it was emerald green, just like the Land of Oz! I never told her about my previous healing experience.

I immediately knew my higher self was reminding me of that moment as an acknowledgment of how far I had come in my growth. 

When you are open in the heart chakra, time stands still, allowing you to be in a space of love and acceptance for yourself and others.  

There is no anger or grief over the past or fear over the future.  There is just meeting the moment unconditionally and in a state of trust that everything you need is already within you. 

This year has been incredibly challenging, scary, overwhelming, and full of grief over the loss of loved ones.  It can be hard to remain open-hearted when your whole being is aching from the emotional impact and yet, being open-hearted and unconditional with yourself is how the path to healing begins.

When the heart is ready to open and begin the healing process, the fear, anger, and grief that arise are meant to be honored, not shaken off, “gotten rid of” or pushed away.  Grief means that you deeply loved another and its energy is there to help you remember that love.  Anger, fear, and anxiety are trying to keep you safe, so speaking to these emotions with love will help you remember that you are in charge and can override those emotional patterns at any given moment to restore a sense of wholeness. 

To me the heart chakra is like the center of the infinity symbol.  What rises and settles must come through the heart and if the heart is open and accepting of what is, the energy of life flows with ease and synchronizes with the world around you.

There is so much uncertainty for the world as a whole and very few are getting out of 2020 unaffected.  Yet I hear so many people share how grateful they are for what they do have. 

If you had one superpower to help you and others heal at this time, what would it be? 

The Leo new moon this week is a celestial invitation to give birth to that power and embody the energies that can best serve you and others to meet their challenges.  Leo’s archetypal patterning supports you in expressing your power in creative, playful, and passionate ways.  This is a time for the flow of the energies and emotions you’re experiencing to inspire you to explore and discover a higher perspective and wisdom ready to be expressed.

My Reiki teacher used to always remind me that everything I need is already within me to claim my power and innate ability to heal.  What does the power you currently need look and feel like to you?

What is the Past Asking of the Present?

After the full moon last weekend, I decided it was time to do some energetic releasing and begin exploring how to best direct my energy in the coming months.  While spring cleaning a few weeks ago, I opened a small box in my meditation corner that contained these little acorns gifted to me almost 15 years ago by three children at the laundromat.  I wrote my first blog about this experience which can be read here: Little Acorns. 

I kept these acorns as a reminder of how growing into your full potential requires a breaking open and shedding of different layers of your identity.  When I found these acorns while cleaning, I reflected on where I was 15 years ago and how these children who are now young adults must be experiencing the world. 

On Saturday I decided to release the acorns in the park where they originated as a signal to the universe that I am ready for the much-needed inner work at this time.  As soon as I walked away, a squirrel came over and started stuffing them in his mouth.  I now call him my shaman squirrel as he generously volunteered to ensure these acorns would be “transformed and released” so I can be free to dream a new world into reality for myself and the collective. 

What we are experiencing in the present – the uprising that’s crying out for change, the pandemic that has sent us into isolation for 3 months or more, the uncertainty for the future – is an accumulation of our past that reaches far back to long before we were even born. 

Chaos cycles like the one 2020 has presented, are opportunities to reclaim lost power as we make whole with the past. 

The present is always a result of the past and how we deal with the past in the present is how we shape our future. 

The question to ask is what aspects of the past are saying “Enough already!” and screaming out for change? 

What old patterning is ready to shift and take on new energy, passion, creativity, and momentum?  And in what areas of your life?

The weekend of June 20^th and 21^st will be one of the energetic highlights of 2020 with the Summer Solstice and New Moon Solar Eclipse in Cancer meeting each other.  The peak energy of the sun will be present to charge the seeds of intention planted with the New Moon.  However, the energetic potential held within these intentions is meant to carry us through to the end of the year and into 2021.  We’re in it for the long haul but just imagine the power that can be reclaimed during these next six months!

The energy of the sun reflects the fire in one’s spirit, inspiring action and providing the passion, courage and motivation needed to transform old patterns that are no longer useful.  The energy of the moon reflects the expression of one’s soul, providing wisdom, fluidity, and receptivity to change and transformation. 

On the Summer Solstice 15 years ago, I received my Reiki master attunement with four other beautiful and amazing women.  At that moment, our lives changed forever as we claimed our power to help ourselves and the world experience wholeness.  As I initiate my own Reiki master students on the Summer Solstice this year, the power rooted in the journey they’ve taken to get here is ready to be claimed and at a time when this healing work is needed more than ever.

Wherever you find yourself the weekend of June 20^th and 21^st, take a moment and reflect on the power you are ready to claim and how you want to nurture it in the coming months.  With chaos, comes clarity and with clarity comes inspired action.  Just ask the sun and the moon as they meet at this powerful time of the year. 

Can you just listen?

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor

Tuesday morning I woke to find the #BlackoutTuesday movement going viral on social media.  Before posting the blacked-out image on my Instagram account to show solidarity, I read a little on the origin of the movement by the music industry.  As with other moments like this on social media, I knew it would have many layers of meaning for everyone who participated.

As a white woman, posting the black box wasn’t just about showing solidarity for the black community and speaking up against social injustice, it was about committing to be a better listener to the voices of those in pain.  To take a day or even a few days to not post about myself or my own thoughts or ideas, but to just read posts from those who are angry and grieving as well as those offering ideas on how everyone can work to create sustainable change.

When I learned of the killing of George Floyd, the heaviness came crashing down just at it had with Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery in recent weeks and all the other lives taken while worshiping, going to school or just simply living, year after year after year. 

Then there is the question of what can I say or do that will make a difference?

Reiki, along with many other spiritual practices, can bring you to such states of expanded awareness, bliss and connection to that unified field of love that when you return to the heavy realities of the world, the contrast can make times like this feel that much heavier.  Because of this, I will often hear people in the spiritual community say that they don’t like to discuss politics or even watch the news because it’s so overwhelming for someone who is highly sensitive or empathic.

At the same time though, the foundational Buddhist principles in the practice of Reiki and Mikao Usui’s teachings are rooted in the idea that we awaken to enlightenment in order to become a healing presence for others, to operate as a human bodhisattva if you will.  Bodhisattva’s don’t go where there is light.  Instead, they bring light to the darkness and pull out of the shadows the power needed to heal the pain and suffering of all sentient beings. 

As I walked and meditated on the death of George Floyd, I kept hearing a voice say in my mind over and over “Can you just listen?”  As this question became my mantra, I realized that it was silencing my inner empath which can take me down if it’s allowed to be in the driver’s seat.  Empaths are energetic sponges, but when that empathy is kept in check, it can become a great resource of compassion without overwhelming the nervous system.

I’ve learned that when empathy runs amuck, it’s not only overwhelming, but it does a disservice to those we want to help.  Taking on the energetic pain that another person is experiencing in many ways diminishes the personal power that is restored in the healing process.  My Reiki teacher emphasized from day one that it isn’t up to us as Reiki healers to “do” the healing for another person.  It is up to us to be present and bear witness to the healing.

For those who are at a loss for words or action but want to be a conduit for healing when it comes to social injustice, racism, antisemitism, misogyny and any other kind of hate, the first step is to ask yourself, “Can I just listen?” 

Just listen.

After my meditative walk, I wrote the following words in my journal asking myself:

Can you just listen not to evaluate but to cultivate a presence of understanding? 

Can you just listen to the pain and suffering of another through the expansive lens of love without shrinking it to fit inside the frame of your own suffering?

Can you just listen to the grievance of another through the open lens of understanding even when it’s a grievance you can’t relate to?

Can you just listen to one’s expression of anger with the understanding that it is a sign of an unmet need?

Can you just listen to an opposing opinion through the open lens of curiosity and not let it threaten your own truths?

Can you just listen to another’s suffering with the understanding that to be human is to suffer but each of us suffers in our own way?

Can you just listen to bear witness to the untangling of the yarn of suffering in another, honoring each tired and frayed thread as it eventually weaves itself back to wholeness once again?

When you listen to another with a beginner’s mind and unconditional presence, the power to heal is unleashed and takes on a life of its own.

Half of the battle is showing up to listen and then the other half is letting understanding lead to even deeper understanding which will eventually inspire the right words and the right action.

If you find yourself at a loss for words and action during this dark time, begin with listening.

If you find yourself overcome with grief, fear, anger, and confusion, I am here to listen. 

Just comment here and we can connect.

What a dragon, beehive and cowardly lion are teaching me about vulnerability

The first weekend that we were under quarantine, this year’s Reiki master students met on Zoom for part of the Journeying Between Worlds Class. We did a Shamanic journey to receive an answer to the question of how humanity will evolve coming out of this pandemic.

As the journey began, I found myself in complete darkness when suddenly I was being handed a lantern, but I couldn’t see who was giving it to me. Then I realized it wasn’t a lantern, but a beehive whose aura was so golden that it looked like a lantern. I then felt someone grab me to take me on the journey. As we traveled upward, I discovered my spirit guide for this journey was a dragon and as we floated up above the clouds to the outer edges of the earth’s magnetic field, the dragon explained to me that she was here to teach me about courage in the face of fear and vulnerability.

As the journey progressed, the bees emerged from the hive and began to drop pollen all over the earth. The dragon explained that they are pollinating the new growth that will emerge as the world begins to heal. As we began to float back down through the clouds and the falling pollen, I discovered the entire world’s population forming a circle around the planet and in the middle was a giant dandelion weed. The dragon reached down and said we are uprooting fear from the human consciousness and began to pull the weed out of the earth. As this happened, I felt a pulling at the top of my head and a rush of energy down my spine.

Returning from this journey, I knew that no matter the challenges that lie ahead, I would be okay. Everything I need to navigate the uncertainty is already within me.

A couple weeks later, we had the beautiful April full moon, often called the Pink Moon. I drew a card from the Inner Child Deck by Isha Lerner and got the Cowardly Lion. I immediately knew the lion was there to not only enforce the message the dragon had shared but to activate my courage to face my own personal vulnerabilities while extending compassion to others and the difficulties they face.

There have been just a few events within our lifetime that unite the world in vulnerability unlike any other times in history. This COVID-19 pandemic is one such time. This reminds us that in the end, no matter our role in society, we as human beings are united by the same experiences of both love and fear, joy and suffering, vulnerability and compassion. It is gifting us the opportunity to come together for the greater whole and examine the structures within our global civilization that need to shift so those who are most vulnerable won’t be left behind.

Vulnerability is a gift when we open our hearts to it instead of resisting it. It allows us to recognize our own personal humanity and the humanity of others without shame or blame. There is often an impulse to want to build a shell or wall around our vulnerability to protect us, but when we can breathe into the fear and allow these soft edges of our humanity to remain exposed we leave an opening for the light of love to shine through not just for us but for others as well. When people can see our vulnerability something inside them activates their own sense of love and compassion. Little by little this compassion becomes contagious until we realize we’re all in it together.

When we reach the other side of this pandemic, my personal hope is that our shared vulnerability from this virus will influence how we rebuild the foundation of our civilization.

When it comes to self-care, developing a healthy relationship to your own vulnerability can deepen your connection to self-love as well as a heightened state of awareness and compassion for the vulnerabilities of others.

In what ways have you had to face your own vulnerabilities during the pandemic? How has it deepened your sense of compassion for yourself and others?

For me, it’s been an invitation to own my personal power in a whole new way and have faith in myself and the universe that this chaos cycle is happening for my highest good and the highest good of humanity. It’s an opportunity to use my Reiki practice to stay energetically steady and support others in doing the same.