Is it Balance that We Really Crave?

Last week, I had the opportunity to attend the book launch party for Joanne Molinaro who is the cookbook author of The Korean Vegan.  

I’ve not only been drawn to her work in recent years because of her fantastic, gut-healing recipes, but because of her authentic writing style and inspiring storytelling.

Her work is a beautiful expression of ancestral healing just as much as it is about flavorful and healthy foods.

The very first topic that Joanne discussed at the gathering, while being interviewed by Eric Kim of The New York Times Cooking, is how her success was directly related to one of the biggest failures in her life.  

Without that failure and loss, she would never have had the fulfilling life that she enjoys today.

I was also struck by how she talked about writing and cooking as wildly different activities that serve one another.  

Cooking has always relieved her stress while writing stresses her out; but while cooking is both her joy and muse, writing is her purpose.

She was not just put on this planet to write another cookbook, but to use her love of homemade Korean and Vegan cooking to make it more accessible to a person who might otherwise be intimidated by a list of ingredients they'd never heard of.  

This is how she has woven together a harmonious synergy between her two biggest passions.

With the New Moon in Libra this week, I’ve been reflecting on my relationship to balance and got curious about whether it’s a balanced life that we crave or is it really a harmonious life?

To me balance is fleeting, a pause almost, before a new momentum builds and perhaps in a new direction.

Harmony, however, allows for, and sometimes even enjoys, the messy imbalances of life because that’s when we're evolving and growing.  

When we pass through the threshold of the spring and fall equinoxes with the yin and the yang, feminine and masculine, active and passive coming into balance, their relationships don’t stop there.  They are always in relationship with one another.  It’s just that at any given moment one is expanding while the other is contracting and vice versa.  

This is how we can grow in one area and coast in another until we are ready to pivot our focus.

This is also how when you're struggling in one area of your life, harmony will say it’s okay because you are resourced in another area of your life.  And by appreciating how you’re resourced, you can find ways to trust the process even when a part of your life is hurting.

Not every area of life can be perfectly balanced or provide everything we need to feel fulfilled, and sometimes it's the imbalances that get us on track to a level of fulfillment we couldn't have imagined.

With the New Moon in Libra this week ask yourself:

• Is there something that’s draining your energy or stressing you out?
• Is it time to release it once and for all and be okay with closing the door on it?
• Or is this challenge really a gift in disguise for learning and growth?
• What other elements of your life elevate your energy so you can feel resourced to meet those challenges?

Fulfillment isn’t an either/or equation.  

You can be angry or grieving over one area of your life and still find joy, pleasure and fulfillment in another area.

Harmony allows it all to be part of the mix.

It’s about blending your life together like a delicious, homemade dish that includes your own unique flavors and textures that no one else can replicate.

The Dress Rehearsal Zone

When I look back on my years as a performer, the ultimate for me was to be dancing on stage.  The energy exchange with the audience was exhilarating because it was the moment when I could let go of perfecting the details of the choreography and just surrender to the joy of the moment. 

There was a depth of faith in myself and everyone else on the stage and a certainty that it would all be okay, even if something went wrong, because no matter what, the show had to keep going. 

I would experience a fluidity within myself that I didn’t during auditions or rehearsals. 

Before a performance, however, there’s a dress rehearsal.  This is the zone where the logistics of the performance space are worked out, but it’s also when the focus shifts from the technique of the dance to channeling the spirit of the choreography and music.

This was the zone where I could release my perfectionist and shed my fears and worries over what could go wrong and instead allow excited anticipation to take over.

The annual new moon in Pisces this week comes around just like a dress rehearsal. 

It is the zone just before mother nature comes alive in the spring to express her own beauty like a work of art.

This year we also have an unusual parade of planets in the sky with many of them in Pisces, amplifying the wonder and awe that the mysteries of life inspire within us.

Pisces reminds us that there is a “co” in co-creation.

When we remember that healing and growth don’t happen by personal will alone, we can call upon support from the divine or higher dimensions of life in whatever way is meaningful to our individual beliefs.

The archetype of Pisces invites us to explore both our uncertainty and our blind spots.

Where is fear and worry holding you back?

Where is your resistance to the challenges you face?

Where might your clarity and wisdom get clouded by the illusions of tribal thinking?

How can you release those fears, challenges and confusion to discover a more neutral perspective around them?

When we ask for clarity and support, the synchronicities that follow can be quite wondrous, just as we witness the magic of what happens to a seed when it receives the nourishment it needs to grow and bloom.

Just as dress rehearsals were a threshold through which I could step into a dimension that amplified my joy and passion for dance, these final weeks of winter are the threshold through which our inner being can flow with the energies of nature and find inspiration.

Whether you’re experiencing a challenging time this year or on a path of achieving certain goals, this is a great time to recommit to your healing and growth, remembering that when personal will and divine will are in full collaboration, clarity, courage, wisdom and inspiration emerge to allow for the show of life to go on.

Lessons on Gratitude from Animals

Every evening my cat Gracie and I have a ritual where she climbs to the top of her scratching post to receive her medication quickly followed by her favorite treats.  As soon as the sun sets, she will even remind me that it’s time without me having to chase her down.  However, less than two hours later, she will climb her post again and shake me down for more treats as she swishes her tail and intensely stares at me.

One evening earlier this year, instead of waiting an hour or two, Gracie climbed her post again a few minutes later.  I turned to explain to her that she can’t have anymore and instead of her being in “shakedown” mode, she was gazing at me with her slow eye blinks that let me know she’s happy and content.  In that moment, I realized she was expressing her appreciation to me in her own way.

One of the precepts followed in the practice of Reiki is to be grateful and over time, I’ve come to understand gratitude as an embodiment and not just mental lists you make about what is good in your life.

Animals can and do express emotions.  On social media you can find video after video of the full range of emotions from the grief of a mother whale over the loss of her calf to the joy of baby elephants at play.  I recently saw a video of a struggling octopus that had washed up on a beach and after a man managed to get it back into shallow water, the octopus uncurled one of its tentacles and placed it on his shoe for a few moments before taking off into deeper waters. 

Then there is the injured wildlife that form unusual bonds with the humans that rescue and rehabilitate them.  They can be seen expressing their joy when reuniting with their human rescuers years after being returned to the wild. 

Articulating feelings through language can be very limiting and often the story that triggers an emotion is what gets expressed instead of the underlying emotion itself.  When reflecting on how animals experience feelings of gratitude, I’ve realized the lesson for us as humans is that gratitude is an embodiment of joy through pleasure.

While on retreat last summer, I encountered a dragonfly dancing over a field in the morning light.  As I sat on a bench to meditate, the dragonfly’s dance became part of my practice that morning.  It would playfully ride the breeze just like a surfer riding the waves of the ocean.  When the air slowed down, it would glide and turn flips like an acrobat in a circus with its wings shimmering in the sunlight.  Witnessing this creature fully immersed in its element was a lesson for me on plugging in to the ever-present dimension of joy.   

This time of year, you can see the squirrels and chipmunks eagerly scooping up the acorns in the park, harvesting what they will need during the winter months.  The other day I spotted a squirrel giving the earth a few gentle taps after having just buried some acorns, as if to thank the earth for protecting its treasure.

Gratitude is about being present to the goodness in life and allowing yourself to receive the pleasure of it all.  To see, feel, hear, smell, or taste the joy with your whole being.  That is how we can learn about gratitude through animals.  Whether it’s a beloved pet taking joy in playing with you or its favorite toy or an animal in the wild taking pleasure in the elements of its environment, we can understand that gratitude isn’t just about positive thinking.  Gratitude is an embodiment of joy through taking pleasure in all the ingredients that go into making life feel good. 

Crossing Thresholds of Change

How Eagle, Dragonfly and Elk spirit guided me through thresholds of change this summer.

At the beginning of this summer, I made the conscious decision to slow down and give myself some long-overdue time off for rest and relaxation.  The challenges and losses of the past few years and the changes that evolved out of them left little time for my personal systems to play catch up and my daily self-care routine was no longer enough.  This wasn’t just a desire but a duty I had to myself and my overall wellbeing. 

Ironically, there were several waves of chaos and disruption that framed everything I had planned for myself.  Some of it was heartbreaking and some of it was just plain annoying and frustrating.  On one particularly challenging day, as tears of both grief and grievance were flowing, I found myself asking what purpose is this chaos serving?  Yes, my victim archetype was genuinely asking and sincerely wanting to understand.  The answer came over me almost instantly as a message of love.  The gift in it all was to help me shake loose the grief that had been struggling to find expression.  In the days and weeks following that moment of surrender, there was a lifting in my heart and a sense of relief that I hadn’t felt in a while. 

At the end of July, I went to Kripalu for a 5-day retreat as part of my declared summer of self-restoration.  One morning there was a dense fog over the lake while a group of us were kayaking.  Taking in the beauty of the mist as we set out along the lake’s edge, I remembered that one of my intentions for the trip was to gain clarity on what areas of my life are ready for something new.  Shortly after turning a bend, we came across an eagle standing over its nest.  While we could hear the babies calling out for breakfast, we could only see the outline of their parent standing guard.  A while later, our group came together, holding onto the edge of each other’s kayaks as the guide led us through a visual meditation.  While my eyelids were dropped to connect within, my peripheral vision was still alert and noticed a flash of wings.  As I looked up, the most exquisite sight of the eagle gliding over the lake and disappearing into the thick mist took my breath away.  I laughed inside as my clarity was coming through crystal clear.  Eagle was telling me to just be in the mystery of it all and not worry about clarity right now.

Towards the end of my stay, I sat one morning at the edge of the field across from the retreat center.  This large swath of property was set aside for wild grass to grow, providing a habitat for pollinators and critters that fertilize the soil.  In the golden morning light, a large dragonfly danced over the tips of the grass for the better part of a half hour.  I was mesmerized watching this magical creature zooming back and forth and doing acrobatic flips.  It felt like the dragonfly was taking me through a guided meditation as I stopped what I was doing and allowed myself to just be present with the joy of the moment.  Towards the end of its dance, the dragonfly flew in front of me at eye level as if to take a bow before exiting the grassy stage.  I could see its eyes and the light shimmering off its wings as it suspended itself in the air.  The wisdom of Dragonfly in that moment was to allow myself to be guided by my joy. 

A week after returning from my retreat, I had gifted myself one more very special experience this summer and that was to make my very first hang drum.  I knew that when the time came to add a drum to my healing toolbox, I would have to make it myself instead of just buying one in a store.  The facilitator calls herself the Drum Doula because when you make your drum there is an energetic birthing process held within sacred ceremony and ritual.  As we were guided in stretching the elk skin over the hand carved wooden frame, we were each encouraged to commune with the spirit of our elk and ask her to reveal how she wants to work with us through the drum.  After we took our drums home, there was a gestation period before we could initiate the drum and play it for the first time.  

On the morning of the new moon in August, I got up before dawn to do this ritual during the sunrise.  There were thunderstorms overnight, so the morning was very overcast, and I was disappointed that there wouldn’t be a colorful sunrise for my drum’s initiation, but still I knew this was the right moment.  As I held her to my heart and began to play a slow heartbeat rhythm, I felt a release of energy from the drum telling me she was ready to be played.  As I began beating the drum, it didn’t even feel like I was the one playing it at first and as I looked up at the sky, a single pink cloud appeared amidst all the gray clouds, as if the heavens were welcoming the drum into this world.  

A few days before I performed this ritual, the drum spoke to me and revealed her purpose as being a guide for my wounded healer to evolve to the next dimension of learning and growing.  She was coming into my life to help me stay connected to my magic as I step through the threshold of transformation and in turn help others do the same. 

I’ve discovered that one of the many ways drumming heals is by offering us a steady, stable rhythm when certain areas of our lives are in disarray.  It can stabilize any fears and anxieties and help us to trust ourselves when stepping into the unknown territories that come with change. 

The stressors in life will always ebb and flow and sometimes we can meet them with grace, wisdom, and a sense of empowerment while other times they can set off triggers and collapse us.  No matter how we meet them, the nourishment we receive from these experiences is sourced in trusting that we’ll eventually be guided back to our true nature and sense of wholeness. 

This summer the medicine of Eagle, Dragonfly and Elk reminded me of this and brought me to a new threshold of change.  Eagle revealed the importance of surrendering to the mystery of the unknown, Dragonfly reminded me of the joy that is always present in my heart and Elk guided me to a new level of understanding my own inner healer. 

Perceiving Light

Twenty years ago this year, I received my initial Reiki attunement.  I’ll never forget the first thing I noticed afterwards while looking around the room at my fellow classmates.  I thought there was something going on with the lighting but soon realized I was seeing the individual auras of light around each student.  It was as if each person was wearing a different colored helmet of light.  It was both beautiful and unnerving at the same time.

Soon after, I would begin the process of understanding what it all meant.  When the colors appeared more dense and closer to the body, the person was often experiencing a heavier emotion.  When the colors expanded outward and were more translucent, there was a harmonic flow to the energy.

Some days I would walk into the classroom as my teacher was setting up and observe the room bathed in a beautiful golden hue of light.  At other times, orbs of light would appear in response to the energy and information being exchanged.

After a while, as my other intuitive senses became more active, the colors of light didn’t appear as often and now I tend to perceive colored light only when I need to be aware of what is happening with the energy in any given situation.  Sometimes the colored light emerges to confirm what I’m already sensing or thinking and other times it takes the lead by providing me with precise intuitive information.

A couple weeks ago I was listening to a documentary on PBS about how the brain perceives information through the senses and they were discussing how humans and other species perceive color differently as a survival mechanism to alert them to danger as well as to finding the food and shelter they need.

As an energy healer, working with the light body, the documentary brought me back to that first day when I sat down in class and instantly perceived the colors around each person.  It was an initiation of sorts, acknowledging that I had arrived at the threshold of a new way of perceiving life and little did I know just how much my life was about to change for the better.

The other day, while walking around the lake in Central Park, I was watching the light sparkling like diamonds on the water and felt a tingling at the top of my head.  As I looked around, there was a teenage girl in a beautiful bright red quinceañera dress having her picture taken with her parents in one of the alcoves.  She looked like a rose against the greenery.  As I passed the next alcove over, someone was setting up a sign that said, “Marry Me” and arranging rose petals in a pattern around the bench.  There was so much light being anchored in these two adjacent spots and to be a quiet witness to this filled my own heart with so much joy.

As I headed home, I realized that as a healer and lightworker, one of the roles I’ve accepted in this lifetime is to perceive the light in any given situation whether its purpose is for healing and restoring balance or for anchoring it into this three-dimensional world through these moments of celebration. 

It’s often talked about how our thoughts create our reality, but it’s not as simple as that.  I often remind myself that what I perceive ultimately shifts the energy and shapes how my experience unfolds.

In quantum physics, particles are found to behave based on how they’re being observed, so the patterns of perception through which we observe life in turn shape how we think, feel, respond to, and experience any given situation.

On Tuesday, here in New York City, we have the annual phenomenon called “Manhattanhenge” when the sunset lines up with the grid of side streets and is perfectly framed by the buildings no matter which street you’re standing on while facing west. 

Because of the angle of the city, this happens every year, both three weeks before and three weeks after the summer solstice.  It’s a chance to take in the beauty of the sun’s light as it reaches its peak each year and in turn celebrate how you express your own unique light in this world. 

The transition of spring into summer is a fun time to explore what your personal color palette looks like.

What colors are you drawn to?

What colored clothes have you been wearing?

What colored foods are you eating?

How do certain colors make you feel?

As you observe your surroundings, take a few moments to soften your gaze and just take in the lighting and the colors that are prominent.  There’s a reason children are drawn to colorful things. Color invokes the imagination and sparks creativity.  As adults we don’t need to lose that connection as I’ve learned on my own journey as an energy healer, committed to perceiving and anchoring as much light as possible into this material world. 

What Makes New Moons So Magical?

It’s always wonderful when we get a hint of spring on St. Patrick’s Day here in New York City and this year was no exception.  As the late afternoon approached, people were shedding their heavy coats and enjoying the extra daylight with a walk in the park.  The energy all around felt free and light.

As I made my way around the lake in Central Park, a robin swooped out in front of me just as I turned a bend along the pathway.  I could feel the breeze from his wings as he flew upwards, landing on a tree branch, and posed as I took his picture.  I smiled knowing that the return of the robin is a definitive signal from mother earth that spring has arrived.

Robin wisdom is about shedding what no longer serves your highest good and planting the seeds of new intention as you commit to new patterns of relating to yourself and others. 

Each year the spring equinox marks the beginning of the astrological new year when the sun moves into the sign of Aries and this year it is followed by a new moon the next day to amplify the energies of this new cycle of growth. 

What makes new moons so magical? 

When the moon and the sun meet in the sky approximately every 29 days, the moon, which is usually the brightest object in the night sky, is no longer visible.  Helping to regulate the ebb and flow of water on the planet, it is a part of our daily rhythms whether or not we’re aware of its presence.  On the nights the moon goes dark, we can no longer see it, allowing the stars and planets that are further away from our view to be seen with more clarity.

The new moon is a moment each month when the archetypal energies of the higher realms can commune with your own inner realm just as an old cycle is ending and new one is beginning.

This is an opportunity to pause, meditate, and reflect while allowing a higher perspective to emerge and support the process of setting a clear intention with a sense of certainty that is more somatic and less intellectual.  It produces an inner knowing that infuses your whole being and not just your mind. 

Taking a pause during a new moon can help you recognize just how far you’ve come and what next steps, small as they may seem, can help you release what is no longer relevant to your own journey.

Sometimes it’s about setting small goals to help you feel safe in moving forward in your life.  Other times it’s about being ready to take a bigger leap of faith into the unknown.

The most lasting changes that can support your evolution are often an accumulation of the small steps you’ve taken along the way which eventually pave the way for you to take that next big stride forward. 

Understanding your level of readiness to both let go and move forward is important and the new moon is a beautiful time to find those answers within yourself, free from the patterns and expectations of your outer world. 

What new intentions and patterns are ready to come online in your life?

New moons are often used as a time to plant the seeds of intention that are supported by the cycles of nature and when these intentions are set with clarity and commitment, these moments can produce the feeling of magic in your life.

Clarity is the key here.

Clarity in what is genuinely possible.

Clarity in what feels good as you envision your intentions.

Clarity in the creative energies you are working with.

Clarity in how you are surrendering any attachment to the outcome and allowing synchronicity to play a role in the process.

The energies for the spring equinox and new moon are particularly potent this year.

For the first time in a few years there is a greater sense of freedom to plan as there is less turbulence impacting our daily lives. 

With this opening though, the question to ask is how you can do things differently than before and are you ready to make different choices?

What choices no longer align with your values?

What choices deplete your energy and are only made to please others?

What choices keep you self-connected and support your growth?

When deciding what intentions you are ready to set at the beginning of a new cycle, it’s great to know it in your mind, envision it, and even plan, but when you feel that resounding YES in your heart and a lightness in your body, then you know it’s an intention with some power behind it.

Intention setting is at its most powerful when it comes from a neutral space within, one that is not tethered to the outcome but instead seen as an adventure. 

Obstacles are no longer a reflection of your worthiness or victimhood but explored as tools for learning and growth; and disappointments turn into course corrections towards something even better than you could have imagined.

In turn, you become more open to the playfulness and magic of the synchronicities experienced along the way such as the robin that reminded me of the beautiful new beginnings that await us this spring. 

The Wisdom Found in Resistance

 

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready to prepare everything that needed to be sent over to my accountant for tax season and was feeling an even greater level of resistance than I have in the past.  Mustering up the energy and focus usually takes time but once I’m in it, I can keep going until I’m done.  This year, however, the distractions took over in a big way – playing with my cat Gracie, scrolling social media or the news, marinating on some creative ideas, bingeing on Netflix, looking up new recipes for the huge batch of radishes that came in my farm share. 

Inner resistance is great at presenting an endless number of distractions. . .

Playing music in the background usually helps me to focus, but I even found myself stopping to look up an artist for a song I heard on Pandora.  Time would tick by and in the end, my spreadsheets would sit on my screen with all the yellow highlights of what needed to be filled in.

Why did this very straightforward task seem like such a steep climb this year?  I recognized some simple logistical changes that could make the process a little easier, but it felt like there was something more to this resistance.  After some deeper inner reflection, I realized that once everything is cleared off my plate for 2022, it means looking ahead to what’s next and this year in particular feels like a big a mystery.      

I’m usually pretty clear on my yearly goals and plans by the beginning of February, but this year feels a little like putting on new shoes that haven’t been broken in enough.  I’m not sure how far or what direction I can go in them just yet and that’s okay.  In asking my resistance to reveal to me what’s going on, I could then lean into it with some loving care and compassion. 

While reflecting, I was also reminded that some of the most magical things in my life have transpired from this neutral zone of not knowing what’s next but being completely open and present, trusting that clarity will come through in divine timing.

Once I could acknowledge all of this, I was able to gather the energetic momentum to not only conquer this task, but I got it done sooner than I usually do. 

For me, the month of March is all about resistance.  Spring and winter are doing a back-and-forth dance.  Some days the hope of spring is front and center and other days, the cold, bitter wind kicks up to make it feel like January all over again.    

Transitions can be deeply challenging, even when they involve changes that bring us joy. We’re investing our time and energy into something new that can feel different, unfamiliar or maybe even awkward and so our inner resistance kicks in. 

Resistance itself isn’t a bad thing though. It’s what we do with our resistance that either builds power or diminishes it. As a seed buried in the safety of the earth prepares to break open and transform into a plant, resistance is needed in order for it to take root and grow.  As much as a flower reaches for the sun, it must also reach deep into the earth for stability.

When working with inner resistance as an energetic companion, you become empowered to release any shame around self-sabotage.  In turn, resistance can become an objective gauge for pacing your energy and expectations for what can and can’t be accomplished. 

Resistance can reveal a tremendous amount of wisdom when you develop a healthy relationship with it.  The question to ask is why the resistance is there in the first place.  What purpose is it serving? 

Is the resistance acting out on behalf of your inner saboteur that doesn’t feel safe with change, even if that change can lead to some juicy new growth in an area of your life?

If so, then give that part of you some love and ask what it needs to feel safe.

Is the resistance due to a lack of clarity or having a game plan organized? 

Sometimes resistance is simply due to not having a system in place to get something done, whether it’s a simple to-do list or mapping out a more intricate plan. The process of planning is sometimes the best antidote to the kind of resistance that is perpetuated by not knowing what to do next.

Is the resistance an intuitive red flag, revealing that you’re embarking on something that’s just not right for you?

Sometimes resistance is actually a message of wisdom coming from your higher self, telling you that the situation you’re struggling with ultimately isn’t for your highest good and it’s time to let it go.

Is the resistance pointing to an obstacle that feels too overwhelming to conquer?

Sometimes obstacles can appear too big to overcome and what you really need is to find the path of least resistance to discover a way around instead of pushing through.

Inner resistance can be a gift when we befriend it and get curious around what it’s trying to reveal. 

It helps us to overcome our fears. 

It assists in healing any shame around what we haven’t been able to accomplish on our own.

It brings forth clarity when old patterning prolongs a state of confusion and uncertainty.

It reveals where we can create more stability for new growth in our lives.

As for me, 2023 looks like it could turn into a bit of a magical mystery ride.  And if resistance decides to join me during any leg of the journey, I can trust it to reveal something new about myself and still lean into each juicy moment with joy and gratitude.