Learning to Bless the Mess

From my earliest recollections of childhood, my mother would invite me to join her in the kitchen when she cooked.  I have a distinct memory of the first batch of brownies she made with me and her guiding my hand as we leveled the cup of flour together with a spatula.  The kitchen was probably the happiest room in our home.  It was a place where we could create something together and enjoy the results.

As a teenager, I would sometimes cook a meal on my own and to both my parents’ chagrin, I would make a huge mess instead of cleaning up as I went.  I just couldn’t stop the flow of what I was doing and preferred to clean up at the end instead.  After a while, I think they learned to just avoid the kitchen while I played chef. 

I remember one day, though, when I was on break from college, my dad walked into the kitchen to find me slapping pasta on the new kitchen cabinets to see if it was done.  I suspect his blood pressure was as high as the spaghetti dangling from the upper cabinet door.  My mother was trained as a surgeon nurse at Mt. Sinai Hospital and so I like to think her discipline to clean up as she cooked originated from her education.  When it came to the home, she had a specific way of doing everything down to the smallest of details. 

At the end of 2019, I was feeling a bit stressed by the year-end mess in my own home.  Due to some unexpected twists and turns, I just couldn’t find the time to clean like I usually do over the holidays.  I like my home to be in order and decorated in time for the Winter Solstice. 

On New Year’s Eve, I meditated on how I was stepping into 2020, this big new decade, with unfinished business from my past and how my home was reflecting this.  As my mind released its grip on the stress and overwhelm, I felt a wave of compassion for myself rise within me just as I would for any of my Reiki clients feeling this way.  Healing isn’t about fixing what you think is wrong with you, but instead about meeting yourself with love and blessing where you are, mess and all. 

There really is no magic switch come midnight January 1^st that turns us into brand new people with all these great new habits and goals that make us better.  Each breath you take is a new beginning from which you evolve, from which your energy flows and from which your mind can change its focus. 

What 2020 is teaching me so far is that sometimes life needs to get messy for you to discover a new layer of wholeness.  Just like creating a delicious meal, sometimes the kitchen needs spaghetti hanging off the cabinets and sauce on the floor for the best possible outcome.  And then at other times, you have the luxury to clean up as you go. 

My resolution for this next decade is to mindfully bless the messes in my life, to fully embrace those times when I can’t clean up as I go.  I will meditate with the unfolded pile of laundry next me and do yoga on my unvacuumed rug, remembering that with each breath I have a choice to allow the energy to take me where I am meant to be.  In turn, these practices will help me face some of life’s bigger messes.

If you entered 2020 with some of your own lingering messes, take a moment to bless them and honor where you are.  I am always reminding myself that nothing is permanent, and no matter what is happening today, your next course is being prepared in the kitchen of life. 

8 Tools for Empaths to Manage their Energy During the Holidays

For anyone who identifies with being an empath, the holidays can come around each year with a mixed bag of stress.  It’s not just about the booked calendars, deadlines and extra activities, but it’s also about coping with the external energies that can throw an empath off balance.  Empaths are like sponges, mopping up the energy in their environment and with the heightened energy of the holidays, they can get saturated quickly.  Setting clear internal and external boundaries are crucial for an empath to maintain their wellbeing and happiness any time of year, but especially during the holiday season. 

Here are some tools to consider if you’re an empath and, even if you don’t identify as an empath, these tools are great for just about anyone who is finding themselves stressed right about now. 

1.  Be realistic about expectations you place on yourself.  Manage your expectations for what can be accomplished without killing yourself.  Often the usual to-do list takes on a life of its own with personal and professional expectations during the last weeks of the year.  As empaths we often want to please others and go the extra mile, but this may be the time to activate your inner slacker whenever possible and send your inner perfectionist on a well-deserved vacay.  You of course want to meet your responsibilities and do a good job but evaluate what items can wait or what doesn’t need to be perfect.  Believe it or not, being half-assed at certain things can create surprisingly good results, just in a different way sometimes. 

2.  Make an exit strategy when RSVP’ing to the obligatory holiday parties.  If you dread the annual office holiday party or similar social occasions, think about ways you can attend without getting drained by the extra socializing.  These occasions can often involve spending extra time with people who already drain your energy, so be mindful of how you can limit your exposure.  Maybe scope out a person you worked well with on a project and get to know them more.  Or, attend the party early and have a reason to leave before everyone starts crowding in.  While you may feel the need to attend in order to develop your professional relationships, you don’t necessarily have to stay the whole time.  Know your limits and then have a plan to bow out.  If you find you must stay longer than you’d like, find ways to take short breaks like stepping outside to get some air. 

3.  The white lie that isn’t really a lie.  When saying “No, I can’t because I have other plans,” and the plans are to stay at home, that isn’t really a lie.  Honor your need to have time at home for self-care.  You don’t need to explain your no.  Simply say no without explanation.  It leaves little wiggle room for someone to talk you out of your decision or cross your boundaries.  Saying no is just as much a gift to others as saying yes.  Saying yes when you want to say no is not only dishonoring yourself, it can leave you unfairly resenting those around you.  And if you have to say no even when you really want to say yes, look for alternative ways you can accommodate a request or invitation.  If you regret saying yes to something, make note of it for next time.  Taking responsibility for the decisions you make can be extremely empowering when you’re an empath. 

4.  Manage your triggers around family.  Over the years I’ve noticed some of my students and clients looking at going home for the holidays as a test for how far they have grown in their self-awareness.  To quote Tolstoy, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  Empaths often grew up with dysfunctional family dynamics and can be triggered by hostility or negativity in the room even when it’s not being directed at them.  Their reflex is to try and neutralize a situation even at the cost of their own sense of ease and well-being.  When going home for the holidays, look for ways you can take breaks from the group dynamic by going for a walk, reading a book, playing with the family pets or the younger children.  Also suggest activities that will take everyone’s attention off each other and on something else.  Volunteering as a family at a soup kitchen or a toy or coat drive can bring meaning to the occasion and be a reminder of the true spirit of the holiday season.  You could also get tickets for the family to attend a holiday show at the local community theater. 

5.  Do something creative or crafty like baking, making ornaments, etc.  Working with your hands calms anxiety and focuses your whole being on the present moment.  The hands are an extension of the heart.  There are literally channels of energy that run from the heart and into the palms of the hands, so making something with your hands is a way of sharing your love with others.  It’s also a great way to calm your heart in return.  When you work with your hands, your mind, body and spirit are fully engaged, and this helps you feel more grounded.  There are tons of craft ideas out there even if you don’t see yourself as a crafty person - coloring, painting, pottery, knitting, cooking, baking, making candles, lotions and soaps.  There’s lots to choose from, so make that trip to your local craft store and let yourself get lost in the aisles to see what resonates for you. 

6.  Prioritize your inner circle.  Make the people who mean the most to you and leave you feeling uplifted your top priority.  It can be easy to get caught up in the social obligations that we forget to schedule time with the people who make us laugh and love us for all our silly quirks.  So even if it’s a coffee or lunch date before you head out of town, make sure to schedule time with your besties.  Some of my best friends live far away and so we’ll schedule a phone visit over coffee either just before or after the holidays to catch up on each other’s lives knowing it’s going to be an hour plus conversation. 

7.  Slow down on the alcohol and sugar consumption.  Alcohol and sugar are in abundance at the holidays and it can be tempting when you’re low on energy or stressed out to reach for one or the other or both.  One of the best ways to manage your energy and stress is to cut back on the booze and sweets.  I find that sugar cravings are a clue that the body is trying to get grounded.  Make sure you get enough protein (lean and plant-based are best), greens and root vegetables.  A little unsweetened cacao will also help curb the sugar cravings.

8.  Don’t abandon your daily rituals.  This one can be seriously challenging for me.  Having a morning ritual has been an important part of helping me stay focused and energized throughout the day.  All year long I do everything I can to stay true to these rituals, so even when I fall off track during the holidays, it’s easy to get back on the saddle.  Don’t beat yourself up if you drop off, but also be aware of it and get back on track as soon as you can.

I often refer to myself a recovering empath and it’s taken a lot of work and self-awareness to not slip completely back into my old patterning.  What I’ve learned on this journey so far is that it’s critical to “stay in my lane” and not take on other people’s issues or emotions.  This has helped me to both restore my personal power and deepen my state of compassion for those around me.  Taking on other people’s heavy emotions and challenges doesn’t give them the energetic space they need to learn, grow and heal in their own way and timing that is right for them.  I love the visual of being a lighthouse.  A lighthouse stands tall and strong and shines its light.  It doesn’t try and chase the boats down and direct them on where to go.  If they did, then their light couldn’t shine as far and wide as it does. 

Discovering the language for what it means to be an empath enlightened me on the unconscious emotional patterning I’d been carrying around for most of my life.  It’s been a deeply rooted part of who I am for so long that shifting this energetic patterning has required consistency, patience and most importantly self-love.  My empathic nature may never completely disappear, but when I become aware of it, I can recognize more quickly what I need to do to manage my energy. 

Whether you’re an empath or simply stressed out this holiday season, gift yourself the space you need to explore your energetic needs.  It’s a gift that will keep on giving throughout the entire year.

The Receiving Tree

What I love most about this time of year is how there is a golden essence infusing everything in the mid to late afternoon and yet at the same time, the light creates these dramatic shadows.  On days when I can make it to the park, I find myself walking in a meditative state, soaking in this beautiful essence.  It feels like I’m storing it in my body, like the squirrels stashing away their nuts for the winter.

This year, a tree caught my eye as I was noticing the dark, twisty shadows of the different tree trunks and branches.  I was seeing the shadow of what looked like someone standing with their arms open and receiving the light shining down.  I smiled as I looked at the tree’s two beautiful branches that curved wide open like the bottom of a heart, ready to receive all the blessings of the universe.  

I thought to myself that this is the opposite of the tree in Shel Silverstein’s book, The Giving Tree, and so I named her the Receiving Tree.  When you think about how much unconditional nurturing trees offer us, you can’t help but feel loved.  They give us oxygen, support, grounding and shade.  Their core is strong and unaffected by the children and critters who love to climb them or nest in them.  They release their leaves each year to fertilize the earth for new growth.  

Yet, trees also know how to receive.  Their roots grow deep into the soil, creating a whole network for receiving nourishment, water and stability.  They draw in the energy of the sun to support the growth of their leaves.  They know how to provide for themselves so they can give unconditionally to others.

Part of the journey to wholeness is becoming aware of where your energy is flowing at any given moment.  It’s about knowing when you are giving of your energy or discharging it and why, as well as when you are open to receiving.  When there is a balanced flow, there is a sense of grace and appreciation.  Mastery comes with knowing when you need to preserve your energy and when you're being called to expend it.  

Nature is currently preparing to preserve her energy for the winter months.  We see the rustling and hustling to gather up the reserves to get through the darkest and coldest months.  There is both an airiness and a fire to this preparation, a letting go and a gathering.  This has me reflecting on what is not only ready to be shed in my own life, but also on what energy from this year I am carrying with me into the next cycle of growth.

For myself, this means making a list of everything I appreciate about what has taken place, both the blessings and the heartaches.  But it also means becoming clearly aware of where my focus is and learning to differentiate between my desires and my decisions.  Desire is always going to be there, but once you decide, there is a sense of commitment and the universe will start to challenge you to keep that commitment.  Opportunities will flow your way that both honor your decision and challenge you to stay true to your authentic self.  

I’ve come to realize that the concept of manifesting your best life isn’t so much about desire but about clearly knowing what the right next step is for you and deciding it’s now or never.  I already feel the energies of next year stirring the cosmic pot.  More than ever, as we awaken to a higher perspective, we are going to be challenged to make clearer decisions on the direction we’re each headed, the light we are carrying and the energy we are sharing to live in alignment with our values.

The Giving Tree has been a controversial children’s book from the day it was written because of its depiction of a co-dependent relationship between a boy and a female tree.  While I have mixed thoughts about this controversy, each time I walk by my Receiving Tree now, I become more receptive to the inner and outer energy at play.  I connect within to see how much light I am carrying with me that day, how much am I open to receiving and how much am I able to give.

Curiousity and Resilience

As a young child, I was always wandering off and getting lost.  My parents would probably tell you these incidents are responsible for many of their grey hairs as they got older.  One of the most memorable instances of this happened when I was four years old and joined a school field trip to the beach.  My mom was uneasy about it with me being so young, but she and my dad also wanted me to start socializing with other children before beginning kindergarten later that year.

When the school bus returned hours late, my mom was frantic.  Sure enough, I was the cause for the hang-up because I had wandered off from the group and they couldn’t find me.  I also returned sporting a severe sun burn . . .

Looking back on my child self and how she loved to wander off and explore, I realize curiosity is a natural part of who I am.  As an adult, I now enjoy “getting lost” in my creativity and learning about new ideas and concepts. 

Curiosity has also become an important healing tool to for cultivating personal resilience.  When something you hope for doesn’t work out, disappointment can be overwhelming and take you down.  For me, as an older child and well into my adult life, I mistook my failures and disappointments as a reflection of my value and self-worth.  Curiosity has taught me how to restore my self-confidence by drawing on the valuable lessons and insights that come with failure and disappointment.

My daily Reiki meditation and self-care practice has shown me that no matter what is happening in my life, I am worthy just as I am.  This has helped me to release the self-doubt I had been carrying around for decades.  Success is the result of consistently showing up with the energy and focus your dream, goal or vision requires of you.  Sometimes it takes longer to achieve than you originally plan or comes together in an unexpected way.  Drawing on the energy of curiosity will sustain your faith throughout the process and elevate your perspective when it comes to the bigger picture. 

Like a child wandering off to explore, curiosity is always there to serve you when you are contemplating a new idea or vision.  It’s also there to support you when you are in the messy thick of things and unsure of what is next.  And, when you are at the end of accomplishing something, curiosity is there to inspire the next desire, dream or vision.

Each of us has come into this life to learn something, to have a question or series of questions answered.  Whether or not you are aware of it, this curiosity is what draws or attracts you to many of the experiences you’ve already had.  When I reflect on where my dreams have steered me since childhood, I am crystal clear that my soul came here to explore how mysticism can be experienced within the three-dimensional realm to both heal the mind, body and spirit and co-create with the universe.

What big question or series of questions drive your desires in life?  What has that curiosity taught you so far?

While curiosity can take you out of your comfort zone, it can also restore your confidence in times of uncertainty.  Unlike the saying “Curiosity killed the cat,” curiosity is what drives both our individual and collective evolution.

3 Ways to Infuse Your Day with Pleasure

With this week embodying the back-to-school/back-to-business vibe, I’ve been reflecting on how to stay in the flow of pleasure that comes from when you take a vacation or time off to relax.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of the have-to-do’s, that maintaining a connection to that feeling can get long forgotten.

When I teach Reiki Level 1, there are the daily meditations and self-care practices that I encourage everyone to do for 22 consecutive days and more often than not students come back to me sharing how much they love it and look forward to those moments in their day.  I ask them in the beginning to be realistic with how much time they can devote to their daily practice and that 10 minutes daily can make a substantial difference in feeling more balanced and at ease in your daily life than striving to commit to 30 minutes or an hour and only making it happen a couple times a week. 

The same is true for the rituals that bring you joy and pleasure.  When you frame your day with these activities that take as little as a few minutes, you bring your mind, body, senses and spirit to the present moment and spark a sense of joy that will infuse your whole day. 

Here are 3 easy ways to bring joy and pleasure to your daily life:

1.  Commit to doing 1 to 3 short rituals each day.

Commit to 1 to 3 activities that are simple and easy to implement at the beginning and end of your day.  For me the first thing I do when I wake up is take 5 minutes to snuggle with my cat Gracie and really enjoy the feel of her soft fur, the sound and vibration of her purring and watching her enjoy the head and ear scratches I give her.  I also take 10-20 minutes to meditate and focus on the energy I want to experience for the day.  I will sometimes move my body or place my hands on my heart and stomach to activate that energy.  Over the summer I also took up journaling while enjoying my cup of coffee. 

Do I manage to do all 3 of these rituals every morning?  No.  Some mornings Gracie doesn’t feel like snuggling.  Some mornings I need get out the door quickly and don’t have time to journal.  It’s not about adding more pressure to do something as about having morning rituals you can return to and activate the experience of joy and pleasure.

Ask yourself what brings you joy and pleasure that you can do in 5 to 15 minutes to start and end your day?  Maybe it’s coloring, dancing, reading a funny comic strip, laughing with your children, listening to music, smelling the flowers in your yard or on your way to work.  The possibilities are endless.  Check in with your senses and take note of what brings them pleasure.

You may also want to change up your daily rituals seasonally.  The important thing is to take a few minutes to bring your mind, body and spirit to the present to engage in the energy of joy and pleasure.

2.   Keep a Pleasure Journal.

Gratitude journals are a tool people have been using for decades now.  They are powerful because they bring your focus to what is good about life and supports a state of happiness and wellbeing.  I’ve come to realize that focusing on the things that bring pleasure anchors that vibration of appreciation into your body on a cellular level.  If you already keep a gratitude journal, start adding to it what specifically brings you pleasure and see how this begins to influence your experience.  If you don’t already have a gratitude practice, then simply reflecting at the end of the day on 3 to 5 things that brought you pleasure is a good start and then eventually you may wish to write them down.

3.  Carve Out Time for Just You.

Make time on your calendar regularly for just you.  Whether it’s an hour or a whole day, carve out time to indulge in an activity that truly restores your whole being and brings you joy.  If you love dancing, go to that tango meetup you’ve been eyeing.  If you love hiking pick a Saturday every month to explore a new trail.  If you enjoy making things with your hands, take an afternoon to try that crazy recipe you found or paint that old trunk the funky color you’ve had in mind for months now. 

What’s most important is that you don’t compromise this time you’ve set aside for yourself.  Make it a priority over the list of things that “need” to get done.  It’s not going anywhere.  I love how Kris Carr calls it “unstructured time” meaning you set time aside for doing whatever pleases you in the moment.  So even if you set out to cook that fun meal but decide going to the park and reading a novel feels better, then you can always change your mind.

Why is this so important?

For me, I’ve come to realize that since childhood I’ve been an over achiever and having a running to do list has been second nature to me.  It’s not a bad thing but making room for fun and pleasure is an important part of experiencing balance and harmony in life.  I certainly feel the difference when I don’t make the time.

My Reiki practice has taught me these 2 things:

1.  Slowing down and being present makes me far more productive and focused for when I do take action; and

2.  When I let go and allow room for the flow of joy to infuse the present moment a lot of things take care of themselves.

When you let go and let flow magic happens!

People, opportunities and resources will seemingly show up out of nowhere and it all starts with surrendering to the flow of joy and pleasure! 

Where are you on the 8?

Last month, for nearly two weeks my computer was out of commission and, while yes mercury was retrograde, I’d never experienced a technological meltdown of this magnitude.  Because my old laptop wouldn’t connect with the internet, it really meant I was working from my phone and anything beyond that would take creative maneuvering.  As I sent my computer off to the other side of the country to be repaired, I took a deep breath and surrendered to the situation.  In that moment I knew everything would be okay and, in the meantime, I would just have to accept this forced slowdown.

In the end, the timing of it all worked out.  I had family visiting and it was my birthday.  The universe’s gift to me was to unplug and just enjoy myself, and I embraced every moment of it.  Part of my healing and growth in this lifetime has been about learning to embrace these times of chaos.  I’ve learned to recognize how the cosmos and nature reflect the beauty and wisdom of where I am in a cycle of co-creating with the universe instead of falling into the victim archetype. 

Today marks another astrological phenomenon called the Lionsgate.  This is when the sun unblocks the star Sirius as it moves through Leo.  Known as the gateway to the heavens, Sirius appears to be going through a rebirth and thus bestowing upon us a charged wave of energy.  The Lionsgate energy portal opens every year between July 26^th and August 12^th with 8/8 being at the height this transition.  The number eight represents the infinity symbol and is a reminder of the power within us to receive the blessings of life no matter where we are.

Life has its cycles that we can predict like the seasons and then there are the cycles we can’t predict such as chaos or unexpected blessings.  The chaos and blessings can arrive simultaneously, but they can also be spaced out over time.  The infinity symbol is a reminder of how energy flows like a web.  As it moves in one direction it simultaneously moves in the opposite direction.  When in balance, energy ebbs and flows forming a perfect figure eight.  We are receiving and releasing, taking action and being still, rising up and settling down in equal pacing.  However, life doesn’t work that way.  Either by choice or circumstances we can’t control, our figure eight is out often out of proportion. 

So how do we manage ourselves in the mix?  This when maintaining connection to the crisscross of the figure eight is important.  To find the middle wherever it might be, and trust that staying present with what is will guide you in the right direction.  There is nothing wrong with having a lopsided figure eight.  It often means something fantastic is evolving and growing in your life, but to own and maintain your power in the experience means being willing to stand in the middle and not resist the ebb and flow of the energetic dynamic at play. 

Where are you on your own figure eight?

Does it feel in balance at the moment? 

Is there a lot opening up for you?  Or are you being forced to slow down?

Are you at peace with it?  Resisting it?  Finding the power and the grace in your experience?

There is no right or wrong place to be.  In the end the choice is up to each of us to be present for all of it, even when it’s uncomfortable, and trust that the power is always within you to transform your experience.

The Summer I Learned About Freedom

Just as the first rays of light appeared on the horizon of the Pomona Hills in California, my parents and I set out on a life-changing adventure.  It was May 1976 and I was just under 6 years old.  As we pulled away from my first childhood home of memory, I sat buckled up in the back of the truck that would pull the Airstream which served as our temporary housing for the next few months.

As we drove up the west coast and across the country, coming upon small towns, national parks and the occasional big city, the country was celebrating its Bicentennial.  One of my fondest memories is of my Dad pulling out the CB radio he’d use to talk to other road travelers.  Sometimes it was to get information about the area we’d be driving through and other times it was to say a friendly hello.  This was long before the internet and cell phones, and good old-fashioned maps were our GPS.

For my parents this was a time of freedom.  My Dad was watching the orange groves of his childhood being paved over with highways, strip malls and subdivisions.  None of it aligned with my parents’ values of a simpler lifestyle that’s more connected to nature.

While there are so many happy memories of that trip and all the places we got to see, I also remember being afraid we would somehow get lost and never find a home again.  I would see houses with for-sale signs and suggest to my parents that we live there.  They thought it was funny, but I knew I wouldn’t feel completely at ease until we had a home base again.  Sure enough, by the beginning of July, we were parked at Bailey’s Campground, Maine and by the end of summer we’d be living in our new home, thousands of miles diagonally across from the life we knew before. 

On an early evening that summer, just before dusk, I learned to ride a bicycle.  As my Dad let go of the bike and set me free to ride on my own, Chrissy and David, our neighbor’s kids, were cheering me on as well.  The following year I begged my parents for a Pink Huffy bicycle.  My Dad knew he couldn’t afford a brand new one and was sweating how they’d make this happen.  As children we freely put our wishes out to the universe and don’t worry about how they will manifest.  We just trust it will happen.  Sure enough, my Dad came across an auction at a local police station and what should be up for bid, but a Pink Huffy!

Freedom comes to us in many ways.  It comes with making a big change and letting go of life as you know it.  It comes as a state of mind no matter your outer circumstances.  It comes as a felt sense that the universe has your back, so you are free to follow your bliss.  Freedom requires taking ownership of your story and the challenges you overcome, the sacrifices you make and the risks you take.  Some of the most powerful thinkers and changemakers in history have had to overcome the darkest of circumstances in order to free themselves and others.  That summer of the Bicentennial was my first lesson in what it means to be free both personally and as a citizen.  Little did I know how much more I would have to learn on the topic and am still learning to this day.

On a personal level, manifesting that Pink Huffy was a milestone.  I could set out on my own adventures on a summer afternoon, knowing I had the security of my family and home to return to.

My journey so far has taught me that you’re never completely stuck in life.  Each day, each breath is an opportunity to shift your thinking, embody a new feeling and move in the direction of your bliss even if it’s just an inch.  That is the ultimate freedom.